Decided to try the horrible Willy Street Co-Op--yes, attention Trust Fund Eastsiders, I hate your fucking store! It sucks, its clientelle suck, they are rude, and the only thing nice about it was the fact there was a small Seafood Center (Seafood Cove) branch there that I just found out about, which was a reason to check it out (I was searching some major sushi porn on the web last night trying to find out where to get fresh seafood in Madison, so I came upon it that way). The employee working at the The Cove was friendly and helpful, which was probably the only thing stopping me from running out of there screaming like a madwoman.
First of all, it's a very small parking lot, so we were waiting down a narrow parking alley on the side of the store for someone to pull out when this little teen/20s bitch pulls up alongside our van and pulls ahead in front of us! Now, it'd be one thing if she could exit out the other side, but NO, there is no exit, so what she did was essentially cut in front of us to get to a vacating spot faster. As we pulled into our spot (finally) she was walking toward the store past our van so we pulled our windows down. I gave her a good long stare and Stan asked her "Hey, what were you trying to do pulling ahead of us like that? We were waiting in line for a spot just like you!" She sort of shrugged her shoulders and continued walking like nothing was wrong...no apology, nothing. Bitch. I wanted to egg her car.
So we found the Seafood Cove and were waiting for the people before us to finish. I feel a very strange thing on the top of my head, like someone touched me, or perhaps wafts of drafty air. I turn around and there's this woman so close that she's breathing down the top of my head! Since she was so close, and since I didn't realize someone was behind me, as I'm turning around I manage to slightly bump her with my arms, and she still continues to breathe down my hair. Mind you, this was not some deranged greasy-haired moomoo-wearing smelly baglady with no concept of personal space, although I wished I was because that would assure I wouldn't have some snooty bleached blond middle-aged pushy yuppie breathing on me. No, from all appearances, this was someone who seemed like she should have a good understanding of personal space requirements, but I guess she was absent that day at school when that subject was covered. It's not like there were equally pushy hair-breathers behind *her* forcing her into me or anything. WTF. But then, and I swear, it's something in the food at Willy's that make people think they're the only humans on earth and every one else is just a holographic projection...these little kids start running up by the seafood glass case right in front of me (and I'm standing RIGHT UP AGAINST the glass case). I mean they are crashing into me, making my purse swing and hit them, and there were NO PARENTS, I repeat NO PARENTS around. Not too soon they flew off in another direction (not without first knocking into me again several times) to a different part of the store where they were probably going to partake in more of the hallucinogens that makes them think they are the only people on earth and everyone else is a holographic projection.And what about the very pregnant woman whose stomach was totally oozing out of her pants up nort here in the beginning of January?!? WTF? Yes, I know it's warm for January (if you call 45 degrees warm, which I do because it is Wisconsin) but STILL!!!! It's freakin' WINTER! It's like wearing white after Labour Day, but worse because it involves bare flesh. Now I could see if it was summer, ok, I can take a little naked mommy belly bulge. Or if she was a 400 lb trailer mama, yeah, I could understand it's sort of hard to find maternity clothes or afford them. But no, she was like a 110 lbs. soaking wet *AND* pregnant urban hipster trust fund breeder with goofy student deadhead granola 100% all-bran clothes, and I guess she was just so enamored with her whole wheat designer pants that she couldn't dare to part with them during the pregnancy and buy some very untrendy but comfortable maternity pants at Target because she had her granola duds unzipped and her next of kin was bulging out down there. Yuk. I'm not a prude, but some flesh fashions are just gross.
Oh, but wait, the day's not over yet.
We returned home to what I was hoping would be a peaceful evening, until I discovered the calendar my parents sent to us for Xmas was for 2006.
Just. Shoot. Me. Now.
Labels: WTF
8 Comments:
I can't believe the snotty little *&(^) just pulled around us to take the next parking spot,and she wasn't even on a cell phone.
The woman breathing on you - after you brought her to my attention I said something like, "We'll go faster if we are pushed". Like what am I going to do - talk faster to the person helping me to save some time?
Then the about to burst with child belly woman. I saw her coming and looked the other way - I'm sorry but the human body isn't something I really want to see in the local grocery store. Excuse me for being a repressed American skin snob, but I really don't want to see lots of skin in public - pregnant or otherwise. Where do women get the idea that eveyone wants to see lots of skin in public anyway? I think this female was just showing off the fact that she was about to give birth any moment, so good for her at least I can be thankful it's not mine.
People are just rude and pretentious at that store,and it's strange that they are that way there and in other places people are really polite.
Yeah, what is it about Willy's? I mean the other eastside local store, Jenny's is NOTHING like that...the patrons are just normal eastside residents that don't look like whole wheat fashion sprouts; Magic Mill on the west side is so nice and I feel so sorry for them that they're losing business to Whole Foods, but even *that* place, despite my problem with them in Ft. Collins, is 100% better to go to than Willy's. Willy's is just CURSED, at least for us. And yeah, I do think the woman was showing off that she was going to be a mommee...*and* the fact she could still fit into her size two pants...well, sort of...if she unzipped them all the way.
And the hairbreather...yeah, it's like in her twisted mind there was some well-oiled Rube Goldberg device just waiting to be started up by her divine breath...breathe on woman, woman feels breath on top of head which causes woman to move closer to partner, nudging him forward, partner senses nudging and then speaks faster, seafood guy picks up on fast paced speaking and spoons out salmon roe with quicker speed, hence speeding up the entire seafood buying transaction, woman and partner soon leave so hairbreathing woman can get her turn sooner. Yes, that has to work!
And what about that 2006 calendar...heh heh...
Calender??? I hope that isn't some bad omen and is just a matter of 'aging parent' mental stuff...
Oh...fun with senility.
BTW, doesn't The Hairbreather seems like a character right out of Seinfeld? Like something Elaine would experience?
"She was a real Hairbreather, Jerry!"
You guys are so funny. That prego tummy would make me ill too! How hard is it to find a long shirt to wear over top of your bulging gut? Go to the mens section if you have to... I will admit to wearing my husbands clothes the bigger I got, lol.
Stan- know what is the worst skin showing out there? Skinny girl love handles- Normal sized chicks wearing lowrise jeans in a size too small, so that it squeezes all the fat out the top, and is visible because of the short shirt. yuck! i really hate the mall. also butt cleavage.. I can do with out that. I think if a woman was that close to me I would have asked her to move. There is just some stuff I do not put up with!
"400 pound trailer mama" rotf.. oh my lord, too funny...
i love how you describe the way they dress... reminds me of "sport" families... ever see an entire family at walmart, all wearing expensive jogging/sweatsuits? you know, the family with a 7 foot tall father in his 60s, a 40 something wife, who holds hands with her 17 year old daughter? And they saunter, causually yet disdainfully around the store...is this just something i have see? Oh, but I don't see it in texas, though. just up "nort".
"How hard is it to find a long shirt to wear over top of your bulging gut? "
Not very! It's called "maternity clothing" or "plus sizes" or like what you did..."Men's". No....gotta have the hipster belly shirt...I haven't done that since I was a teen...I had the figure for it then, but there's a certain point when one should stop, despite the lastest fashion.
"Skinny girl love handles- Normal sized chicks wearing lowrise jeans in a size too small, so that it squeezes all the fat out the top, and is visible because of the short shirt. yuck! "
I've seen that more often than I wished! What's up with that? It's disgusting! Not to mention it would be uncomfortable as hell...how do they bend over without lacerating their belly from the excruciatingly tight pants?
That sport family you describe is odd...I'm not sure I've seen that. Did have an odd experience the other day at Office Depot where an entire family came in to go shopping, and they looked totally lost. First of all, they were all wearing high school letter jackets from Marshall (small town nearby Madison) and they all had this goofy "wow, so this is what the big city is like" expressions on their faces as they stared at me and Stan and wandered aimlessly around.
Yeah, kids, let's go to Office Depot on New Year's Day, doesn't that sound like FUN!?
Yes, butt cleavage is way out there on men or women. Aren't peoples' faces far more interesting to look at? Why would anyone want to display body parts which would take the main focus away from the face in other peoples' vision? Faces are the most interesting part of our basicly odd looking water bag bodies.
"Faces are the most interesting part of our basicly odd looking water bag bodies."
I gotta agree with you there!
"how do they bend over without lacerating their belly from the excruciatingly tight pants?"
beats me! wear clothes that fit yahoos!!!!!!
lost in an office depot? that is sad.
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