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Tuesday, May 22, 2007

The MiniVan and Misplaced Hostility

As I was trying to wake up this morning (and failing miserably as I fell back to sleep), the radio had on a program about the current gas prices. Somewhere into the show, I heard something mentioned about the decline of the minivan, and how American car companies are not developing them as hybrid vehicles, or somesuch. Not that we personally could afford a new hybrid vehicle, not that we could even afford a used one in a few years. But why not make hybrid minivans?

More importantly, why are they so detested? Is it the soccer mom image? Yes, the van-o-sprogs with the mom catering to Princess and Junior's every whim and overscheduled and micromanaged extracurricular activity is one of the more hideous abominations of parenthood in this postmodern era. Walking or biking to the local park, pond or open field is an absurdist notion from a bygone era (yeah, mine!), and parents who would allow Precious to play by themselves or with friends in an unorganized fashion without the aid of an automobile to take them to the proper sports activity spot are just, well, bad parents (not according to me, but I don't count since I'm not a parent). But isn't this an attitudinal problem based on a larger societal problem? Why blame the vehicle? It's like shooting the messenger.

I am the furthest thing from a soccer mom...don't have kids, don't want 'em. My husband and I drive a minivan. I am a visual artist, and with seats removed, it allows me to haul lots of large paintings for shows. We garden a lot and are always loading lots of plants, big bags of peat moss and tons of rocks. It also has enough room for two dog kennels, which we take with us on a yearly vacation to see friends and family (that we might not take this year due to those gas prices, but that's for another entry). When we travel, we also bring back loads of cactii for Stan's side-business. This cannot be done with a sedan...there would be no room.

Our van gets high 20s (MPG) on the highway, which is infinitely better than the oh-so-loved SUVs. We only drive it during the weekday if we need to run errands, which usually includes a trip to the post office several times a week as part of my and Stan's business. Hey, I'd walk to a local post office if there was one in my neighborhood, but there isn't, however that's another topic entirely (contract stations with illegible receipts and crack addict employees don't count). Stan takes a bus to his current job. Since I'm self-employed, I do not commute anywhere. As far as our current employment commuting conditions, we're probably some of the greenest DINKs in Madison. But it's not a contest. I'm not competing with anyone. I do what works for me. If that means not driving to a job, or using a vehicle to go to the post office as part of my self employment, that's what I do.

And the comfort! Now this is just a personal thing and your mileage may vary, but the comfort of a minivan (compared to any kind of car including a station wagon) is incomparable. I can breathe in a minivan, but the times we've been forced into various kinds of loaner cars when our van has been in the shop has been an exercise in claustrophobia. I feel my knees are up by my chin, I can't move my legs and feet, and I feel the dashboard wants to headbang me. I'm a relatively small person...I can't imagine what it would be like for a linebacker.

A while ago I saw some young hip urban types driving a small import car with a bumpersticker that said "Minivans Suck." I wanted to yell out, "You suck, idiot," but I silenced my inner angry punk. What totally misguided hostility toward a vehicle that has such an unwarranted bad rap. If they really want to chastise an auto, shouldn't it be the SUV? I'd like to see one of those get mileage in the high 20s (I think we even got 30 MPG once, when the wind was on our side). I'd also like to see an SUV actually HAULING stuff or passengers. Usually there's just one driver--usually a very INCONSIDERATE driver. I've often found Minivan drivers, be they what I would guess would be a soccer mom, or not, to be more considerate on the whole than SUV drivers on the whole. Plus, it's common knowledge that an SUV is a male growth enhancement substitute. I've never heard of someone getting a minivan as a breast enlargement substitute. I think people get them because they're, um...practical. Oooh, did I say a dirty word? Practical? How uncool. No, no one wants to be practical. You either have to get an enormous gas guzzling SUV that proves your manhood or a PC soy-sipping sub-sub-sub compact econo vehicle that proves your greenhood. Not that the latter wouldn't be desirable for some of our uses, however, not everyone can afford a 2nd car or the insurance. And that's one thing that bothers me about the Left is that they think everyone is in the financial situation to get a vegetable-burner or a hybrid or some other non-fossil fuel consumer, and those who don't switch are poor Earthizens. Yet I digress.

Here's an article I found by a musician who used (and loved) his minivan that would haul his band's gear. I'm glad I'm not the only unsoccer mom that lauds the praises of the Minivan. I just wish Detroit would understand.

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5 Comments:

Blogger Erik said...

We have a volvo 740, very old. It's not a practical, but it has a certain charm and is named Oscar.

3:37 PM  
Blogger Ann said...

Ha ha! I like that name. I've never named a car. Don't know why I haven't, a lot of people do.

I name my cellphones.

Typical Ann and Stan conversation that probably freaks people out:

"Did you bring Shelly?"
"No, I forgot her at home. But I have Leo in the car."

5:28 PM  
Blogger Erik said...

LOL! I know people often name their motorcycles with a girlname, but I never have. I didn't name the car either, Johnny did because when he bought it, there was a book of Oscar Wilde under the passengerseat.

2:52 PM  
Blogger Stan said...

I think any auto company that stops making mini vans will just be giving money away to any other auto maker who continues to make them - especially if they make them getting better gas millage. Ours gets anything from 22 to 30 mpg depending on where it's being driven. Not bad for car with truck like usefulness.

I think we saw a theological bumper sticker; "Minivans are physical proof of the existence of evil".

Theology is really shabby right now and religions are going through their own theological dark ages now. I think the bumper sticker is proof that people are really stupid and shallow when it comes to thinking about theology, and it may take a few generations before anyone starts to get serious about theology again.

I think the mini van will be around in some form for a very long time because they are the most useful format ever... unless you need to haul something like farm animals... then you need a truck.

Cars - sedans - are the most worthless and stupid formats for driving and I can't see how anyone can stand the cramped and useless spaces they have.

7:26 PM  
Blogger Ann said...

unless you need to haul something like farm animals... then you need a truck

But Tim's dad LOVES those calves...that's why he used the minivan to haul them.

---

I beg to differ though...I think Suburban Assault Vehicles are the stupidest formats for driving. Yeah, they're really necessary for driving to the local TGMcfunster's. Never know when you'll run into some enemy fire on those suburban thoroughfares. Cars have their place, but if you're going to have to drive something small and cramped, at least drive something fuel efficient. No use driving a car that gets MPG like we do...you might as well get a van so you don't get deep vein thrombosis on long trips.

7:36 PM  

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