I feel compelled to write more on the topic of the Duggars, not because I'm negatively obsessed with them--well, maybe just a little in the way I'm negatively obsessed with all cults and tyrannical leaders--but to clarify the issues I have with them *and* the issues I have with some of the banal commentary I find about them on blogs. Too much of the insidious commentary about them is based on the superficial, not on the real problems. IMHO the people who would criticize the superficial, their hair, for example, is completely missing the big picture.

What's this? Ann, a blue-city-living liberal secular humanist childfree atheist coming out in defense of the Duggars? No, not quite. I'm just clarifying. Please read on.

Example 1: Hair and dress. Yes, they have hair and clothes from another century. So what? How does this affect you? Not one iota. And why is the only criticism about the hair directed at the girls' hair length? Why does no one ask "why aren't the boys allowed to wear their hair LONG?" Hmm...I see a bit of a double-standard directed toward people with double standards. Pot kettle black? There are plenty of hairstyles I've seen in my 5 decades of living that have been really dumb looking, especially the way so many guys just shave their heads now. Yuck. If you've got it, flaunt it, don't shave it. At least the girls in this family can flaunt their hair, if nothing else...so to speak. For the record, I too have long hair...not Duggar style long, but it's longer than most mid-40-somethings. I think a lot of animosity towards long hair comes from jealous people who can't grow it long themselves. Just my opinion, of course, and the opinion of others I've spoken to who have long hair and have felt the scornful wrath from those who don't have it.

The real problem: The fact that the girls are all *made* to wear their hair long (except for the bangs) and the boys are all *made * to wear their hair in that clean-shorn 1950s way is an example of how controlling their parents are and how the kids are not allowed to have any say. That is the real problem. It wouldn't matter if they had Duggar hair styles, or they were all shaved like the Heavens Gate cult or they all had B52 beehives. The fact that no one is allowed to make a simple choice about their own clothes or hair is sad (and picking the brown skirt instead of the blue one isn't the kind of choice I'm talking about). All children should be allowed to make more and more choices as they grow older and become more independent, and by denying them that right the parents are denying any mature development. Their decisions as adults will not be based on reason and logic and personal preference, but on what is done because that is what is done. I also have a problem with not allowing the girls to wear pants, especially when doing physical activities. Can someone explain the logic of this to me? There is none. It's all about keeping the girls in line as demure baby-making machines who never spread their legs even to do sporting activities--except to make babies for God . And that's the big problem.

Kids naturally want what other kids have, and since these kids really only socialize with eachother and maybe another fundie family or two, there's no wanting for hair like Amber's or jeans like Tyler's. They're only mirroring eachother which helps keep them clone-like. Yes, mom and dad are trying to keep bad outside influences from coming in, and that's commendable only to a degree. They won't have to worry about Jessatessaannabanana's butt-crack oozing out of her low-rizers. Or JumpinJehosephatbillybob's baggy pants exposing his ModestWear boxers as they fall down to his knees. And you know what? I think those hip hop pop fashions are every bit as awkward, dare I say--retarded--as their LittleHouseonthePrairieWear in this day and age. But here's the big problem...they're preventing their kids from dressing like that by keeping them in a unhealthy closed carbon-cycle bubble. I feel it's better to allow the outside influences in, and have an open discussion why these things are bad or good or uncomfortable or cool or unwearable, or whatever. Let the kids as teens wear silly fashion statements of their own choosing, then allow them to decide as they mature that yes, those clothes were silly...or maybe not. Maybe some fashions will stick. But that will be their choice, not the parents. But that's where the problem lies. This dictatorial household will never allow the kids to decide on their own. Or the kids might think they're deciding on their own, but they know of no other alternative from which to choose. And that's the big problem.

Example 2: Sex. I have actually read commentary that this couple needs to find another hobby other than sex, that they like sex too much, that they're oversexed, etc. etc. I have to check my calendar to make sure this is 2008 and not the Victorian era. Let me get this straight, people are complaining, in this day and age, that a couple is having too much sex? What? Hey, these Duggars aren't geniuses, they're not working on novels or scientific inventions or art. Let them have their sex hobby. It's not the sex. It's what they're allowing the sex to become. And that's the big problem. Ground control to the Duggar Clan, take your birth control pills and put your condoms on.

Example 3: Arkansas. Is. Not. The. Midwest. It is the South. Get over your geographically-challenged "if it isn't NY or LA, it's midwestern hicksville" condescending elitist coastal selves. Enough said.

Example 4: They like big families. So what? Look, I don't want kids myself, but there's nothing wrong with the fact that some people like big families. But here's the big problem: Every single child that they have, they bore. There are so many unwanted kids in this world they could have adopted. Go ahead, have a couple of your own, then adopt the rest. But no, they've been brainwashed by some fundamentalist movement that says you will be closer to God the more kids you bear. And that's the real problem. These patriarchal fundamentalist sects seem to be more about the male proving his penisworth by fathering large litters and giving no consideration to either a) the health of the mothers who have to suffer through these double-digit pregnancies or b) the Earth, its diminishing resources and the carbon bigfootprint that all these mega families stomp on it. This is where it starts to effect YOU. This is no longer about an eccentric family who dresses weird and keeps to themselves except to appear on Discovery Health when they pop out a perennial young-un. This is about the Earth and its future. You have a family of 20 driving huge SUVs, and, worse case scenario, their 18 kids go on to marry and have 18 kids each, each family having multiple SUVs and consuming large quantities of tatertot casserole and all the commercial processed junk that is in their family recipe book and doing 10 loads of laundry a day and throwing away exponentially large amounts of disposable diapers...this is not good.

Now if I were a believer in a god or any magical, powerful entity that supposedly "created" the Earth, this is certainly not what I would think it would want to see happen to its terrestrial creation. It would not want people who are perfectly capable of planning smaller families to procreate to this unhealthy degree(and this doesn't just apply to American fundies, but people of all lands). It's hurting these mothers and it's hurting the Earth. There is no sense to it. None.

If there was a family of 20 that were independent-minded with a low-carbon-footprint and not out to overpopulate the world with the agenda of spreading their religious zealotry and creating more voters who will eventually vote in representatives who would make all birth control illegal, I wouldn't have quite as big a problem with it. But independent-minded and religious fanatics are anathema. We as a country are so scared of terrorists that go boom, but what about this silent terror right here on our own soil cleverly packaged into a "gosh gee whiz, what a well-behaved large family"? Shouldn't we be concerned that as these kids are becoming young adults they have no education, no experience dealing with anyone outside of their family or tight-knit sect, no marketable skills or trade and no hope for college, not because they made bad choices and dropped out of high school, but because this was done with their parents' moulding and blessing? What about the young women in the FLDS sects in Arizona and Texas who become nothing but baby factories to polygamists at the age of 13, 14 and 15? These women are "married" in the eyes of their church, yet legally are unmarried so they can collect welfare from our government, a government which they otherwise detest and have no regard for. Then there's the "lost boys", the teenage boys expelled from the FLDS because they are competition for the Alpha Males and their "prophet" says they must leave. They have no future, no home, no where to go. What the hell is wrong with a culture that treats its young people like this? I find it outrageous that we can sit around and snicker at irrelevant superficial things like their clothing and hair, but not be outraged by the real problems that are taking place inside these compounds and homes-declared-as-churches. Thank goodness the government raided the FLDS ranch in Texas and thank goodness they prosecuted Warren Jeffs.

We need to rethink our laws on tax-exemption for churches. Why do churches need to be tax exempt? Why can a mega-church gobble up acres and acres of land (often times good farmland!) and not pay a dime in taxes on it while the old and very modest single-family homes in my neighborhood pay 3-4K a year for a tiny little 40x120 foot plat? If you want to build your mega-church on 17 acres, you should be taxed for the 17 acres. Can't afford it? Then build it on a smaller lot. What is truly egregious about Mega Churches is that they are built in the middle of nowhere, so they are only accessible by a long (usually SUV) drive. It is truly sickening.

We need to regulate home schooling. Why are people with no experience as teachers and hardly any education themselves allowed to teach children? It seems to be so rampant now. I never heard of it when I was going to school, and as much as school was unbearable for me at times, I'm glad that the thought of homeschooling didn't exist back then. And please, no tax-vouchers for home schoolers or private schoolers! If you don't want to take advantage of free tax-supported (by many people who don't even HAVE kids anymore or ever had them because it is for the public good) public schools, that's your choice, but don't take money away from the public sector for this!

And now you see my thoughts on the matter. I just hope more people will look behind the veneer of hair and outdated dresses and see the real problems beneath.

Labels: It Takes All Kinds