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Monday, March 16, 2009

Deadly Vipers and Killer Bees

So everyone's heard of Dick Cheney's Assassination Squad by now. Over the weekend, Stan and I mutated it into Dick Cheney's Deadly Viper Assassination Squad. Kill Dick!

Dick Cheney of course is Bill, The Snake Charmer, er, I guess it would be Dick the Snake Charmer in this case.

Dubya would be cast as Budd/Sidewinder his brother, in this case it's Budd Weiser. An alcoholic living in a trailer. Perfect.

Condi Rice is Vernita Green/Copperhead.

Michelle Malkin is O-Ren Ishii/Cottonmouth.

Ann Coulter is Elle Driver/California Mountain Snake.

But that leaves Beatrix Kiddo. Who gets to be Black Mamba? Stan suggested Scott McClelland, since he used to be on the dark side and then turned against them, but, and nothing personal against Scott, but he is so very un-Uma Thurman-like. At least with the others they match, more or less. OK, Dick Cheney and David Carradine don't exactly come to mind in the same breath either in terms of physical appearance, but their initials match.

I'm a bit puzzled by this and it will no doubt take up my subconscious thinking about casting the perfect politico as The Bride.


I had a tragic perfume spill. Previously, I had diluted some Golden Champaka (super expensive stuff!) essential oil to a 33% solution so it would be easier to drop it from an orifice reducer. Unfortunately, it was still really thick, so I had removed the orifice reducer. And duh, today when I tried to make a recipe with it, I forgot the orifice reducer was no more, so I immediately took the top off and tilted the bottled, which elicited a flow of very fragrant Champaka out onto the table and all over my recipe cards. I sopped up what I could and put it back into the bottle. It is sad. It's not like it happened to Lemon or some inexpensive EO. But no, it happened to Champaka. The rest of the spill was sopped up and worn on myself, not to let any good Champaka go to waste. I smell great, a little strong, but good. I took the dogs out and was immediately surrounded by several early spring bees. I was highly desirable. Nothing smells like Champaka, in fact, literally to these bees, nothing smells like Champaka because it is from India. It was an exotic treat for them. It was a bit freaky. I hope most of the smell dissipates by the time I go for a bike ride this afternoon.

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Blogger Stan said...

The Kill Bill is a great idea, but it has a hard time going all the way. As far as it goes it is fun.

If the bees were interested in you as a flower they are probably very hungry from the cold winter. You must have just the right smell for them to make yourself a spring meal, Champaka.

3:06 PM  
Blogger Ann said...

The bee thing is very Kramer-Seinfeld. Kramer's sniffing around at a girlfriend's perfume (or maybe she's an aromatherapist or perfume designer...probably later because expensive stuff like Champaka isn't wasted on aromatherapy) and the hipster doofus spills it all over himself, then he goes outside and the bees start to attack him...the very bees he was using to make and sell honey...

3:37 PM  
Blogger Stan said...

That's a great idea for a Seinfeld plot. Bees, Jerry!

5:20 PM  
Blogger Ann said...

I see another exterminator in Jerry's future...sad.

5:26 PM  

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