12:20:2002 Entry: "Ann : Don't have a Cow..."
Don't have a Cow...
The inside entry was sent to me in an email by someone I occasionally freelance for. Not sure who originally came up with it, but it's excellent. Made me laugh...
You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and
the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income.
ENRON VENTURE CAPITALISM
You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed company,
using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then
execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you
get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights
of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island
company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven
cows back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns
eight cows, with an option on one more. Sell one cow to buy a new president
of the United States, leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided
with the release. The public buys your bull.
ARTHUR ANDERSON, LLC
You have two cows. You shred all documents that Enron has any cows, take two
cows from Enron for payment for consulting the cows, and attest that Enron
has 9 cows.
AN AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of
four cows. You are surprised when the cow drops dead.
A FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows.
A JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an
ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create clever cow
cartoon images called Cowkimon and market them Worldwide.
A GERMAN CORPORATION
You have two cows. You reengineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once
a month, and milk themselves.
A BRITISH CORPORATION
You have two cows. Both are mad.
AN ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows, but you don't know where they are. You break for lunch.
A RUSSIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count
them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you
have 12 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.
A SWISS CORPORATION
You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you. You charge others for
A HINDU CORPORATION
You have two cows. You worship them.
A CHINESE CORPORATION
You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim full
employment, high bovine productivity, and arrest the newsman who reported
AN ISRAELI CORPORATION
So, there are these two Jewish cows, right? They open a milk factory, an ice
cream store, and then sell the movie rights. They send their calves to
Harvard to become doctors. So, who needs people?
AN ARKANSAS CORPORATION
You have two cows. That one on the left is kinda cute...
Posted by Nico @ 07:25:2002:06:39 AM CST
Very funny... :)
Excuse me, has anyone seen my self- milking cow?
Posted by Missy @ 07:25:2002:07:52 AM CST
And here's Ann's Cowperation:
You have one cow. You max out your credit cards to buy another cow. Then someone tells you someone stole one of your cows. You take a look at their farm, and sure enough, they have one of your cows...it even has your brand on it, however they deny it and claim they always had that cow, that one of their cows gave birth to it, although they only have a bull farm. Nonetheless, they use your cow to breed with their bulls and make more cows, meanwhile, you can't afford a lawyer to sue them, so you trudge along with just one cow, just as it was in the beginning.
Posted by Ann @ 07:25:2002:11:33 AM CST
And here's my alternative version:
You have a cow, but you realize you are capable of maintaining a herd, so you take out loans to go to herd school because everyone says you are such a talented farmer and rancher and you'll get nowhere with just one cow. Once in herd school, you realize that it's just a good old boys network of beef ranchers, whereas you want to make creative cheeses. You get nowhere, and furthermore, you realize you're not into the herd mentality anyway. You're back to one cow, except you'll never pay off your herd loans. Then you're forced to consider free range chickens instead...
Posted by Ann @ 07:26:2002:08:36 AM CST
Italian cow (at firm where I work)
You have two cows, but you don't know where they are. You know you have them but don't look for them because it's too tiring. You employ people to find them but they come up with a bull and a sheep trying to make you think they are your cows...
I'm an accountant... not by choice
Posted by Frost @ 07:26:2002:04:31 PM CST
Posted by Ann @ 07:27:2002:08:03 AM CST
Posted by Lori @ 07:28:2002:10:39 AM CST