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04:03:2004 Entry: "Ann : DREAM last night"

DREAM last night

3.26.04

I had a very frightening dream last night. I dreamt I was in a very strange building...sort of like an art studio, sort of like a high school gymnasium, sort of like an odd, airy-architectured house. A woman approached me...I supposedly knew who she was in the dream, but I can't remember her face or anything about her. She was with another woman who I used to know--let's call her Meg. IRL, I was friends with Meg for a few years in grad school. Then I found out a terrible secret about her life, and I just couldn't continue to be friends with her. She thought I would be accepting of the situation, and probably for the longest time she thought I was, until my calling her became nil, and when she and her family stopped by (always unannounced), Stan and I weren't very hospitable. One time Stan and I were driving down Johnson Street and had planned to stop in at Bernie's, a rock shop. We saw her and her family walking outside the store, so we didn't go. We didn't even go home in fear that they would stop by. Instead, we took a short drive. Anyway, back to the dream: I guess the faceless woman was sort of a neutral party, neither friend nor foe, a go-between between me and Meg. I guess she knew Meg and realized we used to know eachother, so she wondered why we weren't in contact. Meg looked like she'd aged about 20 years in the 9 or so years since I saw her last. Her face was incredibly gaunt and bony. She looked like she'd lived a really hard life. She had an expression that sort of looked like she wanted to kill me, or chew me out. The faceless woman asked on Meg's behalf why I stopped staying in touch with her. I can't remember my first response, it might've been something like, 'I haven't kept in contact with a lot of people' or 'I was going through a really hard time during that period.' I do remember saying that Stan had lost his mind during that time. I didn't want to say the truth, that we were not there for their own amusement ('Let's stop by Ann and Stan's...they're always good for a laugh' is something Meg once told us when she and her husband were having a row and dropped in on us...unannounced...I mean how am I supposed to take that?), that they have no manners and don't call before stopping by, and when they do stop by their child traumatized our cats and dog, and that her sense of entitlement about her Graduate Teaching Assistantship annoyed me no end (she *HAD* to have that TA or else she couldn't continue through college because now she has a baby to support that she decided to have (oops) halfway through graduate school--that gave me the impression she felt 'a slave labor job in the community is OK for those people like Ann and Stan, but *I* MUST have a TA.' And last but not least, she married and had a child with a criminal. Not a drug dealer or a petty theif. Not an embezzler or some other kind of white collar criminal. No, she married and had a child with the worst kind of criminal on a criminal's own jailhouse ranking system...the lowest of the low, the kind that will never gain any kind of respect among the other imprisoned, in fact he was never imprisoned, he had probation for something like 20 years, at which time he couldn't have any contact with their own child unless Meg was present, nor could he have contact with his oldest daughter, the victim, from his first marriage unless Meg or her mother was present. No, I couldn't continue to be friends with these people. It shocked me and I felt filthy knowing this truth about him. And the fact Meg had his kid, and that she was incensed that some judge or probation officer or some legal person reprimanded her for doing such a thing and for putting the new baby in harm's way! I was on the side of the judge. But how could I say that to her? Best let this friendship die. I'll be boring. I'll be the kind of person she doesn't want to know. Best have her think she doesn't want to know me...it won't sting as much. But now back to the dream: I could tell she'd been through hell in these past 9 years, I read it on her face. I asked her if she was still with 'Jim.' She said 'no, thank goodness,' and talked about how that marriage was doomed from the start. I was glad to hear that. But I still didn't want to be friends with her. I forgot how the dream ended.

By Ann @ 19:59 AM CST:04:03:04 ..::Link::..