08:22:2004 Entry: "Ann : So We Wait."
So We Wait.
As I type this, I still do not know if Tim is alive or dead, although all signs point to the latter. No one has called us, and this can either mean that he has passed and his family is too busy preparing funeral arrangements and all the legal stuff one needs to take care of in a time like this, or he's hanging on to life support in the hospital and they don't want to call us until something happens one way or the other. There is also the third option, and that is that he's back at his condo, but his mom, who is taking care of him right now (what a horrible position to be in, on both sides) doesn't want us to see him because we'll make him laugh and although it would be good for his spirits, it's not good for his physical condition as it would weaken his chest or something.
When Stan gets home, I think it's time we call the hospital just to see if he's there, and if he's not, maybe call his friend Julie to see if she knows something we don't. I just couldn't face it yesterday. I was afraid *I* would have to be put in the hospital, either medical or mental.
I've never had an experience like this. I don't have many relatives...dead grandparents were always taken care of by my parents and I was very much out of the loop. Stan's mom and sister took care of Stan's dad when he died...Stan was 1000 miles away and even had a hard time getting off for the funeral and feared his job wouldn't even be there when he came back. The other friend I lost through death was almost 20 years ago, and by the time he ended his own life, we weren't that close any more because he had a slew of mental problems and was impossible to be around. I feared I couldn't go to his funeral because of another job situation (jobs don't take to you taking time off for funerals, and grieving families don't take to you not being able to attend funerals because of your jobs, and you're stuck in the middle and you want them ALL dead because they're so thickheaded and unable to compromise and accept people's difficult situations).
My mind keeps fluctuating whenever I think about it. I try to keep busy with the web, making jewelry (but I'm running out of bali and I can't order any more until after the 21st...don't ask), doing silly things helps. But my mind keeps going from 'if he was dead, his mom WOULD'VE called us by now, so he must be alive' to 'he's got to be dead, his mom would've called us by now if he was alive with an update' to 'he's hanging onto life support and they're waiting for something to happen one way or the other until they call us.'
Let's face it, it is simply not OUR place to call THEM in their time of trouble.
So we wait.
I hope you've heard something, anything, by now.
Posted by Kimberly @ 07:19:2004:01:47 AM CST
Thanks, Kimberly. He's OK for now. :)
Posted by Ann @ 07:19:2004:10:20 AM CST