08:27:2004 Entry: "Ann : Sometimes a Cigar is just a Cigar."
Sometimes a Cigar is just a Cigar.
The dream I had the other night where Tim's voice was strong...it came true. Tim left a phone message for us, and when I talked to him, his voice really was strong, er, stronger...than it has been. I guess the dream was simply that, not a sign that he was communicating from the beyond, just a premonition of him acutally calling me, and me hearing his voice and it was stronger. Nothing more, nothing less. The only thing different in the dream was that he said he was all better now. Only better in the sense that they released him from the hospital. He had to go to the hospital on Thursday because he was having weird things going on with his heart; I guess his heart signs or whatever it was he called it was doing weird things. I guess his body is rejecting the valve, so they put him on some drugs for that. I asked Stan about that and he said it would lower your immune response so that your body wouldn't attack the 'intruder' mechanical valve. It's a real catch-22 because now you're immuno-compromised in an already weakened state. I guess he has to be on massive doses of antibiotics.
If this was me...I'd just be dead as I think I'm allergic to practically every sort of antibiotic out there.
I told my mom what had happened. Usually she is *overly* optimistic about *everything*: 'oh Ann, you worry so much about things/things will get better.' But this time she actually said not to leave much hope for the future with Tim. I guess I can say that what I went through this weekend was a dry run for the future. Forbidding any unforeseen tragic circumstances in my and Stan's life, i.e., car accidents, crazed murderers on rampages, house blowing up, etc., Tim will die before we do and we WILL have to deal with it. And that's what I'm fearing, having to deal with that again what I just went through. It was hell.
Haven't been around for some days, otherwise I would have said something before all though it's not much to say, but just so you know you're heard.
I didn't know he was that seriously ill, well, I knew he was very ill, but not like that - you know what I mean. I'm sorry.
Posted by Nico @ 07:20:2004:07:44 AM CST
I know what you mean, Nico. Thank you.
Posted by Ann @ 07:20:2004:05:48 PM CST