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09:11:2004 Entry: "Ann : Implicit Suicide"

Implicit Suicide

I heard it through the grapevine that the man's death was a suicide.

This explain why the press has been real hush hush for the last few days, as they only report on suicides if it is someone well known. It's just like the man in the house that blew up 4 months ago (gee, my neighborhood has a strong aura of death, doesn't it?) a block and a half away: big news story, and then NOTHING. They suspect that was a suicide too, but of course it is only implicit by what the press says: "The Gas Valve was left in the On Position." Very passive tense. Well, gee, how did the gas valve *get* in the on position? Did it move itself there?

I'd like to know how they can differentiate between suicide and OD. What's the fine dividing line? This man lived 8 blocks away (Wil-Mar neighborhood)...he was not from this neighborhood (Schenks Atwood). He commits suicide 8 blocks away, down an alley, in some rose bushes? What?

Does not compute. And the press isn't saying anything. I don't know, OD still seems more plausible. But it's still sad--the officials are still trying to locate the man's family.

And I'm still trying to deal with the ongoing Tim thing. His blood was dangerously thin the other week...I don't know what these numbers mean, but 1 is thick, 4 is thin, and he was at an 11. The doctors couldn't believe it. And the oddest thing...Tim used to be an avid TV watcher to the point of annoying us. He'd call us with the TV on. (I can't stand that, whenever someone calls me and the TV is on, I always mute it or turn it off). He'd zone on TV. I can't STAND just watching TV....I always have to busy myself with something, my ibook or my jewelry or SOMETHING (unless I'm sick). But now, NOW, is the time if there ever was a time in his life when watching TV would be a good thing. He's not too mobile, he just lies on the couch, and after all, he is recovering from heart surgery, so I say watch away! This is what TV is good for...a comfort for the ill when you can't do much of anything else. That's what I do when I have a bad cold or sore throat. I'm thankful we have cable for times like that. But Tim has stopped watching TV even. I know he's not reading, because whenever we'd go to see him, there are no lights on and the blinds are closed and his eyesight is worse than mine and I can't stand to read small books (because of my eyesight). It's like a funeral parlor in there. If he'd just draw the blinds and let some light in (he needs his vitamin D and I know he's not going outside!) I think he'd feel much better. I don't understand, the first thing I do in the morning is open my blinds in the bedroom. I'd sleep with the blinds open if I lived in the country with no one around. Despite my austere gothic nature (to some) I love sunlight! I love things like plants that love sunlight!

Oh, and someone told Tim that he looks like Michael Phelps the swimmer and he was really offended by that (Tim hates the Olympics). I can think of many worse people to look like, and I'd take it as a compliment if I was really sick and someone said I look like an athlete!

Stan and I call it "Puttying out". It's from the Seinfeld episode when Elaine and Putty are on a plane together and Putty just wants to sit there and stare straight ahead, not look at a magazine or read or sleep or anything. Just stare with vacant thoughts. I feel that's what Tim's doing. Puttying out. He's lost everything it seems...he's just a shell now.


About Tim.. :(

Posted by Nico @ 08:23:2004:06:39 AM CST

That post-op depression is normal and expected. Does he not have someone coming in to help care for him? VNA nurse or VNA PT/OT?

Maybe bring him some plants to help liven things up? (Tell him *they* need sunlight?)

Posted by Tina @ 08:24:2004:01:06 AM CST

Hi Tina, yes, he has his mom come up to take care of him when he has to be in town here, and when he gets the doc's ok to leave town, he goes to be with his family on the farm. He's never alone, so that's not ever a problem. And oh my goodness, we have a million plants and if we knew that we wouldn't be sending them to vegetable Auschwitz, we'd have already given him half a million. The plant thing is worthless. We already gave him a cactus (low maintenance) and *we* have to come take care of it. He says he doesn't like plants because they remind him of an old roommate he had a falling out with. :::shrug::: it's pretty hopeless. We've tried and tried, but there's a point where you just have to stop trying or else you'll make yourself sick.

Posted by Ann @ 08:24:2004:09:16 AM CST

By Ann @ 17:13 AM CST:09:11:04 ..::Link::..