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04:13:2005 Entry: "Ann : Erasure"

Erasure

A year ago, a house blew up a block and a half away.

I was discussing with Stan if there was a way to erase the 90s, like they never happened. Is there a way to make it so it never existed? Watched "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind" on DVD last night. I had pondered this question yesterday before I even knew what this movie was about, which was quite a coincidence. I asked him if we would have B___h erased from our memory. We agreed that it would not be a good idea since knowing her and her ilk keeps us on our guard when encountering other DWs. A Won't Get Fooled Again sort of thing.

But maybe we could have graduate school erased. It would make us wonder why we're here, not in an existential way, but why we're *here*. In Madison.

"So Stan, did you ever wonder why we decided to move here?"

"We were getting tired of Fort Collins and Colorado."

"But why did we move to Wisconsin? Why not Eugene, Oregon? Or Tucson, Arizona? Didn't we want to move there?"

"I don't know...something about your relatives? You have relatives here?"

"Since when have we visited any relatives? They're all my mom's 15th cousins seven times removed. I have some dead ancestors here. That's about it."

"The climate? You said you liked it here when you would visit your grandmother because it was so green and lush."

"I also said it was damn humid. But I guess it is nice having green in summer, unlike Colorado that's green in May and that's it."

"See? Maybe that's why we moved here?"

"But there's something missing...it can't just be for THAT!"

"I have a job here...I'm probably making more than I would've made had we stayed in Colorado. We have a house here. There's no way we could've been able to have a house like this in Fort Collins."

"But that's working backwards, Stan. We have those things because we MOVED here. We didn't have them before we moved here."

Would graduate school just be erased, or would other memories as well? If certain memories are preserved, wouldn't there be gaps? Like why did I have weird hours at Depressions? The happy (at the time) memory of getting my graduate school acceptance letter in Fort Collins? Would those memories have to be erased as well in order for it to be more seamless? Would the entire 90s have to be erased? I've been thinking about this...Perhaps an entire decade could be removed from memory....I really wouldn't mind that...late spring 1989 - late spring 1999. Unfortunately, my best paintings came out of that decade. Would they be gone as well? Would we have blank walls? What would I have done with myself during that time? What about our pets? Would all the animals except Lucifer Sam just vanish? Or would just the memory of getting them (in the 90s) vanish? Would the erasers supplant other memories, false memories, in place of my true 90s memories? Good memories, or maybe even bland, innocuous memories, memories that wouldn't cause any intrigue so that I would search deeper into them. Maybe graduate school is a false memory, like a child with vivid imagination who invents a false memory of sexual abuse?

For me, graduate school was like the Junior High of adult life. And getting online and experiencing the whole web culture of the 90s was like the grade school of adult life. Both experiences were like being put back into a very immature and infantile setting with silly, petty, childish people.

So much of the 90s is already gone as far as places we've worked, people we've known, yet people we've known from the 80s are still with us. Literally, all that remains of the 90s IS memory. And I think I would like to remove it.

1 Comments

We moved here for the fire flies.

Posted by Stan @ 04:13:2005:08:08 PM CST

By Ann @ 06:46 PM CST:04:13:05 ..::Link::..

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