ILLNESS

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10:18:2005 Entry: "Ann : Hell, part 1"

Hell, part 1

I really don't want to go back to Fort Collins. This last time I got such a bad vibe from the town. Next trip, I just want to go to the western slope and travel there. I don't want to go to the front range. We saw a lot of people this time crammed into such a short time. We can skip a year, no one will care. My parent's basement is a prison cell. The bathroom is ok (at least Stan and I have a bathroom now and are not at my dad's whim as to when we can use it), but the whole basement is so HOT (!!!) it's like being in hell. Actually, it's sort of like in Fanny and Alexander when they have to live with the preacher and everything is so stark and minimal. That was my childhood...minimal. No wonder my own house is full of rocks and plants and animals and LIFE because I was denied so much when I lived with them. Just being there brings back such horrible memories. I don't want to go back.

To top it all off, Sunday October 9, we stopped at Whole Foods in Ft. Hell to get some snacks for a relative get-together in another city (Stan's side, of course...there's nothing on my side). It was raining, and I slipped while entering stupid Hell Foods on their ultra shiny hard polished yuppie floor. I hit my knee and threw my arm out (the arm I keep continuously injuring). I let out a slew of cuss words, like GDSOB, and while I could see mothers ushering their kids away from the angry fallen cussing woman, no one, I repeat NO ONE from HELL FOODS came to see if I was ok. A PERSON FALLS FLAT ON THE GROUND AT YOUR STORE, IMMOBILIZED, YELLS AND CUSSES REALLY LOUD, AND YOU AS MANAGEMENT, SALES ASSOCIATE WHAT-THE-FUCK-EVER-THEY-CALL-EMPLOYEES-NOWADAYS DON'T COME TO SEE WHAT'S WRONG? WTF? WTFFFFFFFFFF!!!!!

I spoke to customer serivce and complained that their floor was slick and showed them my knee (before it got really frickin' ugly) and I said they should put signs out if their floor was slick. They said they'd call me the following day to see if I was OK. They never called.

As much as I'd like to sue their GD corporate Texan hippie asses for pain and suffering, I didn't see going to a doctor was necessary as I could still walk. I didn't break the kneecap; if I had, it'd be a different story, obviously.

The picture of the kneecap is what my knee looked like a few days after the fall. Ugly as shit, it looks necrotic.

It just adds insult to injury that they didn't call. The fall really hurt, it was skinned, badly bruised, and I had to take ibuprofen (which I couldn't pick up at The Granola Giants while I was there because it's not "natural" ((as told to me by sales associate (((in Texan accent))) "I'm sorry ma'am, we're a natural organic food store, we don't sell that...we do have Witchy Bark and Willow Eaze if that will help.")) so I had to go to Long's Drugs before we left town that morning), but the hurt went away. However, the emotional hurt is still there, the fact that they didn't fucking care about a customer. It was as if Fort Collins really doesn't want me there. Not even as a visitor. We have a Hell Foods in Madison, too, but I don't think they're quite as apathetic--they were like Stepford Hippies at Whole Foods Fort Collins! Still, I've lost any desire to shop there and will now try to go solely to Magic Mill or Jennifer Street if at all possible.

Sorry about the excessive parenthesis in the above paragraph. And no, the sales associate didn't actually say "witchy bark," but it sounded damn good.

An odd thing about Fort Collins this time is that there was no Barney or Dick. Usually when we would go to Old Towne (I really hate adding that superfluous "e" at the end--screw the Fort's original PR person and their cutesy quaint affectedness) in the past, we'd either spot Dick (Spotted Dick!) or Barney. But this time...no one. Barney and Dick are/were mentally challenged individuals who seemed to be regulars downtown. We took it as a good omen to spot them on a street corner. It really seems as if the yuppies have taken over that place and swept all the streets clean of anything not to their design standards.

8 Comments

I am so sorry that your trip to Fort Collins was so terrible. We just moved away form Laramie, WY, just a hop away from there, about a month ago. I bet you could have found Dick and Barney in that s##t hole. It is absolutly yuppy-less. Class-less. Taste-less. And "GO POKES!" everything. We would actually escape to Fort Hell to get away from Hell, WY.

And I think that staying with the parents always sucks, but who can afford to stay in a hotel the whole time? I always tell myself never again. Then time goes by and I go back, and then remember just why I said never again!

Sorry about your knee. The employees should have done something, like help you up or offer some type of assistance! God, people at Wal-mart are more curtious than that!

Posted by Dawn @ 10:18:2005:11:28 AM CST

I know, it would be impossible to do this entire trip with hotels, even the Fort Collins leg.

I really hate Whole Foods now. Stan was there to help me up, but still, they could've offered me a gift certificate or something. Geez.

I know I've been through Laramie a couple times, but I forgot what it was like! I do remember it being nicer than Cheyenne, which is really awful. At least Laramie has a University.

But yeah, if you're in a small town you really start to resent all the rednecks. And when you go on to a different town with "culture" you start to resent all the yuppies. I guess we can't win.

Actually, I find the East Side (Isthmus) of Madison where I live is nice because it has intelligent people who want to stop both the influx of drug dealers *and* yuppies. And we don't have to worry about rednecks because they simply don't exist here.

BTW, what are Go Pokes? LOL!

Posted by Ann @ 10:18:2005:12:44 PM CST

Have you ever seen the WY license plate? It has a cowboy on a bucking horse right smack in the middle of it. That SAME cowboy is the mascot of the UW football team. so GO POKES refers to cowpokes, ie cowboys. And it is everywhere! Hell over the whole state since it is on every car!
Laramie is also home to Wyotech, which is why we were there. It is one of the best auto/diesel schools in the country. And, of course, all Techers are treated like crap cuz 40 yrs ago ex-cons went to Wyotech. And for some reason, the University which controls the town, sees Wyotech as competition. Kids who go to wyotech are the type who have no interest in a traditonal 4 yr school. Techers go all day, every day, for 6 to 9 months, are clean cut- no facial hair, short, normal colored hair, no jewelry whatsoever. When was the last time you saw a decent looking college boy?

Sorry to go off like that, I am in my first trimester and am a tad emotional.

And I agree, Cheyenne sucks.

Posted by Dawn @ 10:18:2005:07:59 PM CST

Dawn, I think you are right that Wal mart would have handled the situation much better than Whole Foods did.

I don't think anything in the Fort Republican Hell was even close to Fanny and Alexander. If it had there would have been some kind of beauty and deep meaning and sorrow to be found in the experience of our stay.

If Fanny or Alaxander fell down in Wall Mart would any employees know that they fell if non of them were there to hear them fall?

Posted by Stan @ 10:18:2005:08:00 PM CST

Congratulations, Dawn!

OK, I understand the 'Pokes thing now.

Stan, maybe the beauty and deep meaning was upon return to Madison. And maybe the room at your mom's with the Frankendolls was like the place where the Jewish puppet-maker lived? Maybe those dolls are magical. Or just scary.

Posted by Ann @ 10:18:2005:08:22 PM CST

I've only been to Larimie WY a few times but I can tell you:

1.) The wind screams constantly. There are a lot of jokes about the wind in WY, and they're all true.

2.) There are some really neat old stone houses in the downtown.

3.) There are some incredibly barren, sad, trashy and run down trailer parks.

4.) There's a nice little state park called Happy Jack where you can cross country ski.

5.) Mathew Shepard was killed outside Larimie, so that really put the town on the map, for a lot of people. (not a good claim to fame)

Posted by greenthumb @ 10:19:2005:01:24 PM CST

Greenthumb:
Almost all the homes in Larame are rentals and look awful! Overpriced dung holes that no one will take care of, are dirty when you move in, and are full of college students. Who cares if you have a family! Luckily, our land lords didn't charge extra for the kids. Seriously.

Did you know that people in Laramie maintain that Matthew Shepard was killed over drugs (a robbery) and had nothing to do with the fact that he was gay?

Stan:
I'll have to look up Fanny andAlaxander cuz my memory fails me.

Ann:
And, OMG, I know about Frankendolls! My mom has a room full of them! The creepy dools inhabit the room we stay in- an octagon shaped building she bought and put in her yard. It is her sanctuary. It creeps us out! So does sleeping on her massive couches. Thank God we live nearby now! Next time I go I'll have to capture them on camera. They are evil. Whenever I go to a flea market, I look for creepy dolls to add to her collection. They must be pretty popular; I can never find any. (Oh, and thanks for the congrats!)

My in laws sold there house and live in a fifth wheel camper. And when they first hired Chantz, he had to sleep on the "couch". He-he-he...

And I like UW, I went there for a semester. The community as a whole has some serious issues though.

Posted by Dawn @ 10:19:2005:07:48 PM CST

Dawn, I was not aware that there are various theories concerning Shepard's death, but not surprised.

Another noteable feature of Larimie is that there's a LOT of semi trucks around there, because I-80 goes right thru Larimie. I think I-80 must literally be 50 percent semi traffic.

Posted by greenthumb @ 10:19:2005:09:42 PM CST

By Ann @ 09:25 AM CST:10:18:05 ..::Link::..

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