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11:08:2005 Entry: "Ann : It wasn't supposed to happen like this"

It wasn't supposed to happen like this

It was 30 years ago that my first cat dissappeared. I'd always wanted a cat when I was young, but my parents didn't let me have one because they were "moving too much." Finally, by the time I was 14, they felt settled enough to allow a cat. We got him in the fall of 1975, and I named him Pepper. As a 14-year old, I didn't know that much about raising cats, so I allowed him outside. Then one day he never came back. I called his name all around the neighborhood, but no Pepper. This was only a couple weeks to a month or so after we got him. It is so similar to this current scenario, except Persephone was completely an indoor cat, except for her escape tricks.

Scenario D: Persephone somehow got outside and got catnapped by someone in the neighborhood (not one of the neighbors that knows us and talks to us).

Scenario E: Persephone somehow got outside and got attacked, killed and eaten by a wild animal like a raccoon, which are in our neighborhood, or, by the rottweiller across the alley.

This wasn't the way it was supposed to happen. She was supposed to get old, and gradually get sicker and sicker with her kidney disease and hyperthyroidism. She would lose her appetite and lose her bladder function and we'd tell her that we loved her very much and that she was a good, sweet pet, and pet her little head and then we'd take her to the vet and put her to sleep. We weren't supposed to lose her this way. We weren't ready to lose her. And to the best of my knowledge, if she was indeed playing her little game where she gets outside and we find her and put her back inside, she wasn't ready to leave us, either.

After Pepper had been missing a few days, I wanted another cat so badly. I figured if I got another cat and he came back, then I'd have two cats, and even if he didn't come back, I'd still have the other cat. I guess I really must've been persuasive, so I persuaded my parents to let me get another one. We went to a pet store and picked out a little sweetie and named her Muffy (what absolute dreadful name). We only had her for about a week...she must have come pre-infected with feline enteritis, because that's how she died. Now I didn't have any cats, yet again.

I told Stan we should get a kitten. That's what happened after Vladimir died, four days later we got Caligula. I know everyone is different; Bill grieved for two years after Pan died before he got Clover. But for me, a new animal takes my mind off the sorrow. And after Hieronymus died, we started looking for another dog.

But this is different. It's not a death. It's not final. Not that if Persephone miraculously reappeared we would've felt bad that we got a kitten, we'd be overjoyed. But it's just kind of weird not knowing, like with parents whose kids go missing. There is no body, no finality.

I need to grieve anyway.

2 Comments

I am so very sorry to hear about your cat. Perhaps if she was catnapped she will be able to escape and come home. Animals are really good about finding their way home.

When I was young, the cat I'd had since I was 4 disappeared. She came back 3 or 4 months later! We were used to her being gone a few days at a time; we lived in the country. How very strange. I hope you find peace about her. It is just like losing a member of the family.

Good luck!

Posted by Dawn @ 10:31:2005:03:40 PM CST

Thanks, Dawn.

Posted by Ann @ 10:31:2005:04:11 PM CST

By Ann @ 09:56 PM CST:11:08:05 ..::Link::..

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