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11:05:2005 Entry: "Ann : Bad Male Figures in Your Life Uncelebrity Deathmatch"

Bad Male Figures in Your Life Uncelebrity Deathmatch

I wish I wouldn't dwell on a certain asshole who unfortunately was temporarily in my life 10 years ago (anniversary time). I shall call him "Sasquatch the Cyclops." I think Stan knows who I am talking about. I wish I wouldn't dwell on how sensory deprived my youth was. I was truly mismatched with my parents, especially my dad. Boy, did that stork get the wrong number on June 30, 1961. Stupid blind stork, can't read the house numbers. Sometimes I become so angry and depressed, that I'm afraid the only way I can get over this without doing further emotional damage is to make light of it.

So I present, Uncelebrity Deathmatch between...

Sasquatch the Cyclops and The Fuddy to End all Duddies.

"In the leftwing corner we have Sasquatch measuring 6'9" and weighing in at 300 lbs. In the rightwing corner...Holy Cow, that corner is so rightwing it is completely OUT OF THE RING! Do you see that corner?"

"No, lemme get my binoculars here, yes, you're right, that corner is pretty far right..."

"Weighing in at the right wing corner is Fuddy Duddy at 5'9" and shrinking, and 96 lbs."

"Seems like an unfair advantage that Sasquatch has over Fuddy, why were these two ever paired up in the first place?"

"Assholes comes in all sizes. And you forgot about Sasquatch's bum leg."

"Yes, and he has the death of his son weighing heavily on his mind. That's got to be some burden to lug around. Old Fuddy might actually stand a chance with this one."

"What has Sasquatch got there?"

"It's one of his really ugly sculptures! He's swinging it at Fuddy!"

"But wait...Fuddy is pulling something out of his fanny pack...it's...a crucifix!"

"Look at Sasquatch cringe! He's reaching for one of his really badly done digital art pieces that was really time consuming to create because he relied on mathematical calculations and complicated computer programming instead of just using Photoshop on a Mac!

"Fuddy Duddy is sheltering his eyes as if he were in pain! What's his plan of defense to that one?"

"Fuddy is now kneeling on the mat and praying to God! I don't think God will help him out of this mess! Sasquatch is on the attack!"

"But Fuddy is reaching for something else...it's a humungous sack of dimes, and Fuddy is pelting Sasquatch with the dimes!"

"Where did Fuddy get all those dimes?"

"From fining his daughter ten cents each time she left the lights on in a room without being in the room. Imagine the irony of being pelted by a bunch of dimes formerly had by one of your art students! What a performance art piece that is!"

10 Comments

Very good and funny too - wondering which one has the most powerful 'medicine'.

Medicine or magic or what ever it needs to be called. There seems to be a common theme in the father and teacher/coach figures from that generation. They are over controlers to the point that 'they can't see the forest for the trees' as the saying goes.

The also are very inclined to think they are always right even in the face of too much contirdicting evidence. What ever they hear or see gets twisted in their minds to fit their own theorys.

It is a terrable feeling to feel penned in by people even after they are physicaly out of our lives. I had a dream a few weeks ago I need to post on this subject.

Posted by Stan @ 11:05:2005:05:33 PM CST

Weird, that I wrote this, and you had that dream that you had been working on. I wonder if it has anything to do with fall. Doesn't fall seem like a male or fatherly season, while spring seems like a female or maternal season? Winter is grandparents, or dead relatives, and summer is children? Is that nutty, like associating gender with numbers or letters? A weird sort of synesthesia?

In college, even in graduate school, the teacher becomes the surrogate parent. Maybe that's why I didn't get along with them as I didn't have a good parental relationship. All the little kissass TA types had all their parents fawning over them during graduation. I had no one come to my graduation...except you. Then, the following year, my major professor, your would-be-major professor, died, leaving us art school orphans. How weird is that?

Posted by Ann @ 11:05:2005:05:53 PM CST

Yes, and as odd as it is I still miss Larry. He was one of the few male figures in my life that I actually had a good relationship with. The man actually took a supportive and nurturing role, which was very hard to find in men from that generation.

Perhaps you are right that fall is sort of male. Winter is definately death and our grandparents seem to be always near.

Posted by Stan @ 11:05:2005:05:59 PM CST

Ann, do your parents have a computer? If so, do they read your journal? I hope not!

(This was quite funny tho.)

Posted by greenthumb @ 11:06:2005:09:21 AM CST

Stan, it doesn't sound odd that you still miss Larry, it's like unrequited Major Professor role fulfillment. Or something.

Greenthumb, yes, my mom has a cute little Blueberry iMac from 1998 that she doesn't let my dad touch. She did read my journal once (I have a visitor tracker that tells me where people are coming from that visit my sites, so I had a pretty good idea it was her from the ISP, location, make of her computer and browser version ((ancient, of course))) and I told her I didn't want her reading it, not because I wrote about her, but because I tend to be a little loose in my language and I just don't need her shaking her finger at me, or correcting my grammar, spelling, writing style, etc.,...been there, done that, don't need that at my age. So I was stern about it and kindly told her that she was more than welcome to visit all my art related sites. Kind of like redirecting a dog--"No, don't play with that, look, isn't this fun! Go play with THIS!" Of course, does she visit the sites that I want her to see? Rarely, if at all.

Posted by Ann @ 11:06:2005:09:48 AM CST

Anyway (got distracted by some dog stuff there bumping my laptop) to the best of my knowledge, she doesn't read this. But in a way, I would think with the way she complains about my dad and the way we joke about him, she would find it humorous.

I'm 100% certain my former professors don't read this. No reason to. In their case, though, I wouldn't care if they did. I'm not going to use them as references or anything 'cause I have no desire to, nor do I have any qualifications to teach.

Posted by Ann @ 11:06:2005:09:56 AM CST

Your Mom was not nearly as ... well, I'm not sure what the word is .. but definitely more laid back than your Dad.

It's best if parent's don't know everything their adult children do.

I said "fuck" around my Mom a few years ago and she really jumped on me. That's because the motherfuckers at UHaul fucked my best friend out of about $80 because of incorrect odometer reading when vehicle checked out and I was furious - IF YOU EVER RENT A UHAUL DOUBLE CHECK THE MILEAGE READING COMING AND GOING BECAUSE UHAUL CAN'T BE TRUSTED. I hate UHaul for other reasons too.

When my foul mouthed nephews swear she just grits her teeth.

Posted by greenthumb @ 11:07:2005:08:33 AM CST

"Your Mom was not nearly as ... well, I'm not sure what the word is .. but definitely more laid back than your Dad."

Persnickity? Odd? Peculiar? Reactionary? Old-Fashioned? Rigid? LOL! And I'm sure there's more!

"It's best if parent's don't know everything their adult children do."

Ain't that the truth!

There's definitely a stigma against women swearing. I'm amazingly adept at controlling my mouth in the presence of my parents, oddly enough. 51 weeks out of the year it's free to roam wherever it pleases, but when we do go visit them, I'm very conrolled, not because I'm afraid or anything, but because I just don't need the hassle. I'm always afraid something will carelessly slip, but it never does, unless they provoke me to the point of an outburst, which will inevitably happen at least once per visit. Fortunately, this last time it didn't happen. I told Stan to back me up, and if either they are or I am being unreasonable in our requests, to let us know. Usually if not all the time, and Stan will attest to this, I am not being unreasonable, and they are. They REALLY need some perspective.

Seinfeld made the observation that when you go visit your parents, it's like being a teenager again. I can sure relate to that.

I'll keep that in mind about UHaul. Hopefully I won't need to use them.

Posted by Ann @ 11:07:2005:09:17 AM CST

Vacations can bring out the best and the worst in relationships.

Posted by greenthumb @ 11:07:2005:11:00 AM CST

I always get along great with Stan on vacation, but I never got along with my parents when I'd vacation with them. And now, when I stay there, it's definitely strained.

Posted by Ann @ 11:09:2005:09:00 AM CST

By Ann @ 04:56 PM CST:11:05:05 ..::Link::..

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