These are old archived entries from my journal, Ornamental Illness. I have eliminated all graphics (except those in context of an entry) to save on my bandwidth usage.

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Saturday, February 15, 2003

Hieronymus is at the emergency vet's. He's been throwing up blood and not eating. I don't think it looks good. He's 12 years old. It came on very suddenly.

Posted by Ann on 02/15/03@05:32 PM CST ..::Link::..

Friday, February 14, 2003

Queen of Secret Nature

I don't remember who you could have been in your dream. I've always liked Kali and the dance of Shiva, but your dream sounds different. I looked in your Indian Art book and found something interesting.

Prajna-Paramita: is important to both Hindu and Buddhist thinking. Here are some lines from your book about her meaning:

"...she is Enlightening Wisdom (prajna) now gone to and abiding upon (ita) the Other Shore - That Other Shore (para), or Farther Bank, is the realm of ultimate truth and transcendental reality in contradistinction to This Shore - the bank on which we are standing, moving , and talking, fettered by desire, subject to suffering, steeped in ignorance - the realm of unenlightened beings. Thus our goddess Lotus, the ageless Mother Earth, the Magna Mater of Antiquity, procreative energy and fortune on the physical plane, now transfigured under the aspect of Prajna-Paramita, has become the queen of the spiritual kingdom attained through enlightenment (bodhi), representing the extinction (nirvana) of both individualized consciousness and the cosmic manifold of biological, human, and godly being."

There is something else I think I should mention about your dream:

"Julia Dream, dream that Queen -
Queen of all my dreams."

Posted by Stan on 02/14/03@10:34 AM CST ..::Link::..

Come to think of it...

I don't think we have any conservative friends. Libertarian-yes, moderate-probably, liberal-definitely, socialist-probably. But I can't think of one conservative friend (family, now that's another story).

But anyway, hey, Anger-Management-Problem-Boy, when are you going to answer my question about what kind of female Indian diety I was in my dream?

Posted by Ann on 02/14/03@09:49 AM CST ..::Link::..

Thursday, February 13, 2003

Were you drunk at the time?

"thought i oughta bare my naked feelings
thought i oughta tear the curtain down"

Actually, your outburst reminds me of the Seinfeld episode where Jerry's girlfriend tells him he doesn't express his anger enough, so then he goes around yelling all the time.

I guess everything in our life always boils down to a Seinfeld episode and a Pink Floyd song.

Posted by Ann on 02/13/03@08:41 PM CST ..::Link::..


Sorry Ann, I think I went overboard. I do love and care about our friends and relations who are Libertarians. We all have different views, and my outburst must mean that I've been repressing my feelings for too long. I should learn to vent more frequently so I don't make absolute statements and embarrass myself.

Posted by Stan on 02/13/03@08:32 PM CST ..::Link::..


...we do have some friends and family who are aligned as such, Stan, just as we have some conservative friends and family, some moderate friends and family, some liberal friends and family, and maybe even some socialist friends and family, (but probably not socialist family, that's just how conventional they are, which is why we're pretty alienated from them).

I don't hate all people just because they're aligned a certain way, but I do hate all fascist swine, and they exist in many political formations.

Well, it is your journal too. Just want to distance myself a bit from the blanket accusations.

Yes, that smirking talk show host (who labelled himself a Libertarian, but he was really just a conservative pig) on the Donahue show was pretty loathesome, but you and I both know he's not a representative of Libertarians anymore than Paul Soglin, for example, represents the spirit of Madison.

Posted by Ann on 02/13/03@08:22 PM CST ..::Link::..


Libertarians; I hate them all - their Fascist in real life! They're all about exploitation of the poor in order to raise more money for The Man, Whitey, or who ever he is. It's all about more money all the time isn't it you libertarian pigs.

On a related subject; I'm very proud of Europe for standing up aginst our Fascist Style Republican Government (if you can call this administration a government at all). Our current bastard rulling power is showing it's true colors. It's all about hate and fear for these war freaks. The bottom line is that the threat of terrorism is with us now and for as long as we're a truely free nation. Welcome to the rest of the world "America" (as we call ourselves out of ignorance). We are the United States not "America". The rest of the world has had to live under the threat of terrorism for hundreds of years, and it's time we realized that we can never have a completely safe life - no matter where we live.

There is no way we can make our lives safe by killing people in other countries in the name of removing governments who don't like us. Look you stupid "Americans" as long as we are the United States of America there will be people who hate us - get over it and get use to it already!

If this country is going to go into a fully developed form a Fascism please put me down as an enemy of state. I want to be first in line for the death camps, or exile. A shot in the back of the head would be acceptable too - just like my grandfather had from the SS in another place and time. No matter how you look at my views - all I want anyone to know is when this Republic turns truely Fascist (like it's going) I stand as a citizen of the United States who is an enemy of Fascism.

Listen you Fascist "American" pigs I'm proud to stand as your ememy, and I love these United States.

Posted by Stan on 02/13/03@08:04 PM CST ..::Link::..

Wednesday, February 12, 2003


Note: deleted letters are not because I'm being polite...I'm just trying to avoid being google bait. Like I don't cuss in front of my parents not out of respect for them, but because *I* don't want to be subjected to their endless lectures on the topic. Yes, it's selfish, I admit.

It is ridiculous to be insulted by 'cuss' words that involve body fluids or body parts, especially when one differentiates between 'proper', i.e., 'non-cuss' and 'cuss' when it's still the same damn word, for example 'sh*t' vs. 'stool'. It's still excremement, no matter how you slice it, not that you'd want to slice it necessarily. 'C*nt' is a bad word, but 'v*gina' is ok. A rose is a rose... It's actually silly that humans even use these words as expletives, insults and curses when they're a part of life, a part of human biology and anatomy. I was thinking about this the other day (and really, it has nothing to do with the old George Carlin comedy routine, but here's a link to that in case you're not familiar with it)...why don't we use *inhuman* things to insult people with and to curse with? Everyone says technology is dehumanizing, I say we use technology terminology as the new cussing paradigm. Silicon, circuits, motherboard (heh), diode, CPU, and my favorite, SCSI. The possibilities are endless. Of course, it would become dated and outmoded rather quickly as the technology changed, which you can't say about body parts or fluids...we'll always have those, so it's rather timeless, I'll give it that.

Oh well, it was worth a shot.

'We train young men to drop fire on people. But their commanders won't allow them to write "f*ck" on their airplanes because it's obscene!'
-Colonel Walter E. Kurtz in "Apocalypse Now'

Posted by Ann on 02/12/03@12:10 PM CST ..::Link::..

Surrealistic History Lesson

Very surreal dream. First of all, I was with Stan and we were staying at a room at his bio mom's inn. There was a new bag of toiletries, this time the scent of the body cream and wash was different. I opened it up and it spurted out on the cap and I was trying to put it back inside the bottle/tube. Stan said it smelled really strong, but I couldn't smell anything at all. Then, Stan and I were talking and I was wondering rhetorically why there are more disney witches now than back 50, 100 years ago. Then we managed to scrounge up some old bound books and documents inside binders that explained that after WWII, scientists and politicians had done some research on some sort of astronomical defense/warfare but that it had proved not to work, so they brought it home to their wives (like bringing home a factory-f*ck-up widget that's not ready for consumer use) who had incorporated it into their modernistic girly June Cleaver paradigm, hence forming a culture of disney witches. I know it sounds really surreal, but it made sense in the dream.

Posted by Ann on 02/12/03@10:46 AM CST ..::Link::..

Tuesday, February 11, 2003


I didn't forget about the annual Westminster Kennel Club dog show this year, despite my self-imposed exile from the rest of the world especially tv. Actually, Tim told me he watched something on network tv about it, which reminded me, 'oh yeah, that does come on every year around this time.' We caught the first half of it last night (jesus, ads for tv shows are ssssooooo stupid if you haven't watched tv in a long while...a made-for-tv drama about Rudy Giullianni? Can we say propaganda machine?), but again, as every year, I was extremely disappointed in the winner of the Non-Sporting group. I'm getting sick of it. I smell a fix. And I've called it Poodlegate. See, the Non-Sporting group is my favorite group because it has three of my favorite dogs...Bulldog, French Bulldog and of course, Spaz, er, Boston Terrier (and this year's Boston Terrier's name was Cosmo! Can we say Cosmic? I just called Plato 'Cosmo' the other day in reference to his Bizarro Kramer self.) But do any of those push-faced dogs win? No. It's always a poodle, either Standard or Miniature. And when the Non-Sporting group fails to produce a Poodle winner, you can bet the Toy Group will have a Toy Poodle winner. Grrrr. Very Grrrr.

Posted by Ann on 02/11/03@09:50 AM CST ..::Link::..

Monday, February 10, 2003

DREAMs from The Past Three Nights

Forgotten dream of 2.8.03

I was in a large student art supply store, sort of like the University Bookstore in Madison or the student center at CSU, but the selection was much larger, more like a commercial art supply store in Denver or something. I was picking out a bunch of chalk pastels (I haven't worked in chalk pastel in ages!) and then I took them up to the check-out place, except there the person just verified what you had instead of taking your money. I had a small purse with me (like a paisley magenta one I used to have back in the 80s) and the woman at the checkout line said that in the future I couldn't bring my purse in with me. I asked her how was I supposed to pay for my stuff if I had nowhere to put my wallet? She implied that she couldn't help me with that, but just for future reference... Then I went to the 'main' check out aisle toward the door (this is sort of like how I remember Meininger's in Denver worked). I had since put all my pastels in my purse, and then when I went to take them out of my purse, they were all broken. I was devastated. They were all in little bits and powder.

Dream of 2.9.03

A very strange dream. I think it was our friend Russ who came to our door and said he tried to visit us back on Grant Street (where we lived over 14 years ago in Colorado!) but that we didn't answer the door (duh!) and by the way, there was someone else looking for us there as well, a woman with a small daughter and a man. I asked him if he could remember their names and all he could come up with was 'Barry Levinson' for the man. I think, if I'm not mistaken, IRL Barry Levinson is the guy who runs the Mount Horeb Mustard Museum. Weird.

Dream of 2.10.03

I was with some people, I can't remember if it was a work or school type situation, (either of which is removed from me currently) and it was shortly after Halloween, but too far after it to still be in 'costume mode.' However, I was dressed up in a very strange costume. I was some sort of female Indian diety that I think I've seen before, but not sure what is (The Indian Art History class I took 12 years ago escapes me at the moment). I was even sitting like her, cross-legged with my feet folded upwards on my legs instead of under them, my arms bent upwards at the elbows with my palms bent perpendicular to my arms, facing upward. People were staring at me, really staring at me, marvelling at my costume. I had my face made up with heavy eye makeup so that my eyes didn't look very Caucasian. It was a bit unnerving to have people staring at me like that.

Stan, what's my diety?

Posted by Ann on 02/10/03@08:35 AM CST ..::Link::..
By Ann @ 20:55 PM CST:02:20:03 ..::Link::..