Saturday, March 12, 2005

Who's the Disney Witch that thought this up?

I subscribe to/lurk on a local online forum that gives the scoop on various happenings in my neighborhood (not crap like so and so got married, but municipal-related items of interest for my neighborhood...new construction, city planning, problems with gangs, etc. This came across my inbox today..."Archipelago Village." According to my newsletter:
Several MNA Board members went to the unveiling of this project this morning. The website contains only text right now. The architectural plans will be on line after it breaks in the press. This proposal will make your jaw drop....it takes up the entire block, including a 26 (or 33?) story tower, two hotels, retail, grocery on the 2nd floor.

The hell? 26 story tower? Um...I thought nothing could be taller than our capitol building. Reading the "Vision" statement on that website cracks me up:

"a footbridge perched over a Sienne-like river": OK, I've never been to Paris, but I am having a HARD time picturing the Yahara like the Seinne.


"Three to four levels of underground parking" Say what? They're building this next to a river. On an Isthmus that was essentially constructed with landfill because nature said it shall be SWAMP.

And what about:

"The people working, living and playing here won’t create the culture; rather, Archipelago Village will define the culture and create the ideals of the people within through a blend of building design and functions." Whoah. Sounds like the planners of this...um...design want to create some pod people. Archipods. Or maybe Frankenpelagos.

Yeah. They've gone mad.

Posted by Ann on 03/12/05@01:25 PM CST ..::Link::..Whisper or Scream?

Dad with a strange haircute dream; my spelling's gone native

This morning I was feeding the dogs and fixing myself some instant espresso. I saw a cactus on the cutting board, a little Mammalaria with red fishhook central spines that stuck out taller than the other white spines that covered it.. Stan had it out there so we wouldn't forget to take it with us when we stop by my parents on the way to New Mexico. It was a kind my dad, who has a fondness for cactus but not as extensively as Stan does, had lost a while back. So we found one for him. I thought about my dad, and then remembered my dream (you know how that happens...you completely forget your dream until there's a trigger in the environment?).

My dad had long hair...not Stan ponytail long hair, but long...below his ears...shaggy. But it was only really long on his left side (heh...the symbolism). The right side seemed pretty short, like he'd gone to a defective barber (Floyd?). IRL, my dad's hair is VERY short. He's überconservative. The only saving grace of length he had was when he had enough on top for a comeover...and that wasn't saving him gracefully. I don't know really what color my dad's hair is now. Its shortness hides any hint of color. I think he's pretty white. But in the dream it was greyer.

And this is the horrible part...the really awful part. His hair style in this dream reminded me of....oh, I just can't say it, it's awful, it has Freudian implications. It reminded me of the hair of someone I like. A lot.


This is very strange, but I've been typing things phonetically lately. For example, just above, I typed "dox" for "dogs." Also, I seem to put apostrophes in inappropriate places, i.e., "the dog licked it's paw" and when I go back and read it, I obviously see my error, but why do I do it when I'm typing? Is it a stream of consciousness kind of typing where my filter isn't on?


Hey, I just became a bronze Power Seller on ebay today. Whoopie. Somehow I can't get excited about it. I don't know if I'll even be able to keep it since I'll be gone for a while. Some people take that very seriously, just like other little web memberships and cliques from back in the 90s. Frankly, I just can't see where it all matters.

Posted by Ann on 03/12/05@08:46 AM CST ..::Link::..Whisper or Scream?

Friday, March 11, 2005


I have never travelled cross country in March before. Or April, for that matter. I have travelled in February, for Stan's dad's funeral. I have travelled in May through November. But the cold snowy winter and early spring months (with the exception of the above-mentioned emergency) are basically off-limits for travel. Just as well, because Stan can hardly ever find a time slot open there anyway. Those are the family-ing months, especially December. Those are the months when all the vacation hogs at Stan's job have to have time off to be with their family who lives far, far away, i.e., a whole 90 miles. There are people who basically live their whole lives no further than a 100 mile radius from where they were born. Their idea of a vacation out of Wisconsin is taking a package deal to Vegas. It's all about the bling, artificial, protected from the real environment. There are no national parks or blue roads. They never see the country. I cannot fathom living their lives.

The day before we leave will be very snowy. Just yesterday I checked my desktop weather gadget, "Meteorologist." I have it set on three cities, Madison, Fort Collins, and Roswell...it was 26 degrees here and it felt like 21. It was in the low 40s in Fort Collins. And in Roswell it was 65 degres. And it felt like 65 degres. I hate our local groundhog...he lied to us bigtime.

In my subdreams, it's mostly about travelling around Fort Collins. Fort Collins is the base of operations. Sometimes I travel around the city, other times outside of the city. Inside the middle of the city, around real-life Midtown and Oldtown...the public library, old Laurel School and the Rainbow restaurant, on the east side, there is a strange area in my dreams. It is sunken, prone to flooding. The houses are old and unkept, small dark wood cabin-like structures, some are nothing more than strip-down modern mid century 2 bedroom ranches. Some are on stilts like in the south. I've had a history of house-on-stilts dreams from a young age, yet the south is one part of the country I have never seen in person. It's very hard to find your way out of this area once you are in it.

Sometimes in the dream we travel east out of Fort Collins. It is barren and open like it is in real life, but spookier. Sometimes we're travelling to catch a plane or train. Other times it becomes more mountainous, and we are looking for a motel. The location seems familiar, maybe like somewhere in Wisconsin, but less green, more browns.

Sometimes in the dream we travel southeast out of Fort Collins. It is west, raining. The ground can barely hold water. We're travelling toward an airport.

Sometimes in the dream we travel south out of Fort Collins, but we always head west. It is always warm and sunny and it is the late afternoon. The roads wind around in the country, and the roads wind around on overpasses closer to the city, even though Fort Collins IRL essentially has no overpasses. In the city there are drive-in restaurants and we get food like ice cream. The whole atmosphere is like a carnival minus any macabre aspect. In the mountains we feel like we're flying. Sometimes this dream gets intertwined with the dream I mentioned the other day, the snowy mountain dream. Sometimes we go as far as Utah, and we're trying to get back home.

One dream I remember we were travelling from New Mexico to Arizona on I-40 and it felt like we were flying through the red rock gateway between the two states. It was a wonderful feeling.

I don't think I've ever had a dream or subdream where we travel south from Fort Collins, and then east, so maybe this trip will open up some new dreams. The eastern plains of Colorado are scary to me. In 2003 we didn't go to Fort Collins, just Montrose, so when we got to Colorado, we dropped down to Sterling and then headed south on some blue highway across the eastern plains. There was nothing upon nothing. But then we headed to Colorado Springs on our way west, so I don't know what the southern eastern plains of Colorado are like, let alone the eastern plains of New Mexico.

Sometimes I wonder why we never went to Roswell sooner. I guess I'm not big on the whole UFO culture phenomenon. It's sort of an ironic thing to me, and am much more looking forward to seeing Carlsbad Caverns, Living Desert and getting horse crippler cactuses at the lady's ranch. But we'll probably take in some tacky UFO tourist things while we're there. Because we'll have no place to keep them while we're sightseeing and cactus digging, we're boarding the dogs. I will miss them terribly.

Posted by Ann on 03/11/05@09:39 AM CST ..::Link::..A Whisper Inside.

Wednesday, March 9, 2005

Another subdream

: I am in a car, passenger. We are driving in the Fort Collins that doesn't really exist. We are north on "College Avenue." It is snowing, cold. We drive north, out of town. There are hills, but it is very much unlike arid northern Colorado. There are several outcomes:

:::: Sometimes we get caught up in an area around where the Aartvark used to be, yet at the same time it's like the Ridgeway area (around Visions on East Wash) in Madison. Old, run down houses, commercial properties that haven't been updated for 30 or so years. Ugly, seedy strip. We're looking for a restaurant or a place to stay, as if we're from out of town.

:::: Sometimes we keep driving north. The road is hilly, we go up and down and sweep from side to side. There is a lake by the road where people are stopped, with perhaps a convenience store or restaurant. We get pull over and stop.

:::: Sometimes we keep driving all the way up the Poudre until we get to the end of the line until we can go no more due to snowed-in roads. I know IRL I have been this far, nearly up to Walden. Bill was with us, and Colorado 14 was closed due to snow. Somehow the name "Walden" gets mixed up in my mind. I think of Walden Pond, which my dad has mentioned, in Massachusetts. I don't think I have ever been there, but there is this one image from Massachusetts that has stuck in my head. It is this strange structure, a brick obelisk that was built near either a pond, lake or the ocean. It was a reocurring motif in my dreams from many years ago. I think it was near a town called Brockton, but I am not sure. In my recent subdream, we get out of the car. It is reminiscent of the Brockton obelisk dream...there are lots of people and it is winter. We walk toward a park by a lake...lots of people all walking the same direction. It slowly gets warmer until the ground is muddy and full of life like frogs and tadpoles in the water. I think this is a dream about dying.

Posted by Ann on 03/09/05@11:39 AM CST ..::Link::..3 Screamers.

Tuesday, March 8, 2005

Classic Post and Subdreams

Sometmes I get curious and look at my Sitemeter and see just what entries of mine people are reading when they do a certain search string that piques my interest. Someone did a search on "I hate Pink Floyd." So, I decided to look and see what came up when they google that and find my site. I found this entry: She helped build my Wall Such a classic post and equally classic replies. I just love the part about the Love/Rotten deathmatch--"The bitch would blow his head off with a shotgun and leave a suicide note."


Sometimes I have dreams that I don't remember well enough to write down. I like to think of these as "subdreams;" they're like an underlying texture of dream that is sort of a motif or reoccurring dream that is never part of the "main dream" or plot, (the part that I record) but it's a dream nonetheless. I have lots of these dreams. Usually they involve travel, the city that doesn't really exist in my own private Colorado. Sometimes they involve tooth loss. And lots of times they're that annoying, "Uh oh, I'm registered for a class that I never attended, now they're having a test, maybe if I just never go I'll just be dropped from it, but what if they flunk me because I never formally dropped it?" I hate that motif. I've been out of grad school nearly 12 years and undergrad school more than 20 years. Why do I still have these anxiety ridden dreams? Any class I didn't like, I made sure to drop it right away, so it certainly can't be drawing from my own life experiences.

Posted by Ann on 03/08/05@09:51 AM CST ..::Link::..Whisper or Scream?

Monday, March 7, 2005

My Faded Cheshire Cat Smile

I was thinking that it would be really cool if someone could make a movie that is not a straight line from beginning to end, but is mutable based on a random selection, sort of like various javascript random name selection things, for example. It wouldn't be a moviehouse movie, but a DVD...each time you inserted the dvd, it would select different turns of events at random based on characters decisions, yet it would make sense, sort of like a flowchart. But you wouldn't manipulate it yourself (I'm thinking of video games here), it would just randomize itself.

For example, I know there have been movies made recently that have different endings, and if I'm not mistaken, when these movies are on DVD, sometimes you don't know which ending it will show (I could be wrong about the existence of this, but at least I know there are DVDs with different endings to movies, and it probably wouldn't be that hard for software scripters to write a script that would randomly pick an ending each time you watch it). Except this would be multiplied, because not only the endings would be different, but other outcomes would be different, dependent on characters choices.

It's like when you think about your life and you wonder, "what if I never moved here," and you picture this parallel life, sort of like a branch in a tree you can see from your branch, and it's going on simultaneously to your own life as it is now, but it's in a different location. Parallel universe and all. It would have to take a genius like David Lynch to orchestrate such a plot design, and the reason I mention him is because it lends itself very much to a Twin Peaksish sort of surrealism. You'd have to do so many different scenes. It would be very quantum. Maybe it's just practically impossible to create something so complex, I don't know. I know it could be done from a programming software standpoint, but I'm not sure about about the practicality of actors and shooting and movie direction and creation and all.

Stan and I were wondering if we were "destined" to meet, somehow. Maybe we were supposed to meet on the east coast. But when Stan was born, his mother gave him up for adoption in Colorado (even though she lived on the east coast). Quickly, my life plans had to be changed by the script writers, so even though it was in the script that my parents would live on the east coast, the scriptwriters altered it so that they would have me to move to Colorado.

Or maybe I was destined to stay in Wisconsin, and although certain script details had to be changed so that I could meet Stan (first, the failed east-coast meeting, and then the successful western meeting), I somehow came back to the state where I was born.

Lately, I've been having mixed feelings about my time invested in this state.

I've invested a lot of time in several things here, only to feel in the end that I wasted my time. One was obviously a waste from the start, and that was graduate school. The second was the job at Depressions...I should've gotten out much sooner, but I'm glad I got out when I did and no later. The other was not so obvious, until you see it as it is nearing the end. And that is a friendship. You put in over 10 years only to realize the person never really knew you. He never ever had a clue what you were about. He never could fathom any of your loves and passions. He saw you just as a hologram, not flesh and blood and tears. The hologram was laughing, smiling, like the Cheshire Cat who disappeared but the smile stayed. But when the smile stopped, the hologram evaporated. He had nothing more to hang on to.

I go over it in my mind...how could I have been friends with someone who, when it came right down to it, had nothing in common with me? I'm about art, not just my art, but the appreciation of artists (filmmakers, musicians). All art was to them was something to laugh at. Movies were things to laugh at, not to get involved in, or to find deep meaning in. Music was only liked because the singer was cute (how utterly high school girl of him), not because he liked the MUSIC. He FOOLED me into thinking he actually liked it, until he told me he never really cared for music. I had been duped! I love my animals, vegetables and minerals (pets, houseplants and rock/gemstone collections). Other than the pets part, he had absolutely no appreciation for those things. But he had no pets of his own. He couldn't even care for himself, let alone another living being. And let's not even get into knowing anything about computers or the internet.

It's almost a completely opposite scenario than another friendship, a friendship I put decades into, only to realize being around that person was scary, possibly even life threatening. In this other situation, we had things in common, an appreciation of music and films, but he would get sinister when he was having a problem in his love life. This happened on a couple occasions, the final straw we just cut him out of our lives.

People are either nice but hollow, or they are deep but nasty.

I guess I'm glad I know someone who is nice and deep. I guess I should count myself lucky. But I still can't help feeling I was really, really stupid to be taken for such a long ride that went nowhere in the end. I'm just glad that Stan was on the same ride, at least we took it together.

Posted by Ann on 03/07/05@12:05 PM CST ..::Link::..3 Screamers.
By Ann @ 01:25 PM CST:03:12:05 ..::Link::..Whisper or Scream?

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March 2005



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