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Thursday, May 6, 2004

My Second Seinfeld Dream

Perhaps I should've written down my *first* Seinfeld dream. I was sick that day, I think, so that's why I didn't.

First Seinfeld Dream (sometime last week, I think): I was talking to Kramer...something about how all of us (I guess that would be the cast of Seinfeld and me, maybe Stan too, I can't remember) had big heads, except for George. I then told Kramer it was because George had a smaller nose, that people with big noses have to also have a head size to accommodate them. We had a chuckle over that.

Second Seinfeld Dream (last night): This is rather embarrassing, but it was late at night at my parents house, and a bunch of people were outside playing on my parents lawn. What, we're in our 40s, and we're playing like kids? Anyway, Jerry Seinfeld was there, and he was joking about things in his usual Seinfeld way, and I found myself strangely attracted to him, like silly girl crush attracted. We started talking, just us two alone, and it was very silly.

Allrighty, I've loved Seinfeld (the Show) constantly since the early 90s, but I never knew I was attracted to Jerry. I mean, after all, Jerry *does* have that EVIL side that Stan knows what I'm talking about that reminds me of :::someone we sort of know...used to know very well::: that I obviously don't find attractive. (I don't think Jerry Seinfeld really has that side to him, but on the show when he made certain expressions, it resembled :::that person::: so much). Yet at the same time he also resembles Bob Geldof in The Wall, (or visa-versa), so maybe there's a little Pink in Jerry, which is the part I like? So if you created the bastard offspring of Roger Waters and :::that person we know::: would you get Jerry Seinfeld? Have I completely lost my marbles now, Stan? Actually, I can sort of see it.

The odd thing is that in many ways I feel like I've lost my sense of humour, but maybe that's just my appreciation for *certain* things. I still find Seinfeld hilarious. However, and I've been through this before, I'm really sick of certain Onionesque humour. There's a show playing at the Barrymore called 'Late Night Catechism' that hoards of people are going to see, and each time Stan and I drive past, we cringe at the thought of's so...bobble-headed nun puppet. Look, either be religious or don't and get over it and leave it alone, but this hanging on to your childhood memories of Sister Knucklewhacker as a liberated yet Closet Catholic is just the exact thing that drives me up a wall. And I know Tim is like that. If he knew about that show, he'd want to see it. Spare me.

Posted by Ann on 05/06/04@10:30 AM CST ..::Link::..Whisper or Scream?

Monday, May 3, 2004


Boyfriend for hire.

This is the whole problem with people. So many people are emotional homosexuals but they're sexual heterosexuals. What do I mean by that? So many women are emotional lesbians. They can only relate to women stuff...women movies, shopping, etc., and guys are emotionally gay (hear me out here, I don't mean gay as in effeminate, I mean gay as in guy on guy relationships), football games, football games, football games. So few (sexually heterosexual) people are able to share in their interests together. I think Stan and I are rare in that we ENJOY doing things together, we enjoy eachothers interests. I would be bored shopping all day and only do it when I need something desparately, not just for the sport of it. If my husband was (which he isn't, but if he was) interested in watching football games all weekend, I'd gladly join him. In fact, if anyone ever suggests turning on a football game in our house it's me.

You know what I hate is when you're put in the situation of conversing with another heterosexual couple and somehow--I don't know how this happens, but it inevitably does--we somehow pair off. I KNOW I don't initiate it and neither does's always the other couple. The woman starts talking closer to me, and the man starts looking only at Stan because he's talking about some guy subject (the other guy, not Stan) that he just ASSUMES only Stan would be interested in. Drives me nuts.

Seriously, I don't know how these relationships last. I guess many don't. All I know is I'll never, EVER be involved with a non-gender-mixed group of people again. No thank you Bob. There is nothing worse than being with about 5 other just degenerates to the lowest form of girlism.

Posted by Ann on 05/03/04@09:57 AM CST ..::Link::..Whisper or Scream?

Sunday, May 2, 2004

Expose spinal column, insert knife.

Never again will I feel guilty for thinking I haven't been a good enough friend, because sooner or later that person will come around to stabbing me (us) in the back.

How can someone say he'll take Stan and me out to dinner *after* his income tax refund arrives in exchange for Stan doing his taxes for him (a dinner...what would that be...$30 tops? That's stretching it..more like $20 at the kind of restaurants HE wants to go to), meanwhile he somehow magically has $100 to WIRE to some greedy money-grubbing SKANK that he *claims* he doesn't like and who broke all his furniture because she's somewhere in the vacinity of 500 lbs just because SHE claims she's out of meds and doesn't have the money for them? WTF??????!!!!! Yeah, that $100 is really going toward meds.

Nope, no guilt for me. Not anymore.

I'm going to stop wasting my time...

Posted by Ann on 05/02/04@01:11 PM CST ..::Link::..Whisper or Scream?
By Ann @ 10:30 AM CST:05:06:04 ..::Link::..Whisper or Scream?