These are old archived entries from my journal, Ornamental Illness. I have eliminated all graphics (except those in context of an entry) to save on my bandwidth usage.

Please visit my other sites below. I promise they're more visually interesting.

Ornamental Illness main entry page

Ann-S-Thesia Web Graphics

Ann's Gemstone Jewelry

The Dingbatcave

Art Objects

Eyebalm Fine Art

Windowsill Cactus

Saturday, July 17, 2004

Still No Calls

Stan just got home, checked the phone (I was a total basketcase while he was doing this), but there were no calls.

The longer it goes, the more I wish they'd NEVER call, so I'd never know. At first I hated not knowing, and now, it's sort of like a blissful oblivion.

I just don't know what to think, or how to act. I know I am not handling this well. But I've never had a situation like this before.

Posted by Ann on 07/17/04@02:48 PM CST ..::Link::..Whisper or Scream?

Anothyr Poste

I'm all for creative word combinations and twists on spelling and all around inventive ways of using language and hybridizing phrases. I do it myself all the time, witness the title of this website: Ornamental and Mental Illness = OrnamentalIllness. The Dingbatcave is a combination of Dingbat (what I make and sell) and Batcave. I've done this a lot. I like to see it done. But one type of creative spelling that has been a plague for decades, it seems, is the use of 'Y' where 'I' should be, and the addition of 'E' at the end of words to give it an Old, excuse me, Olde Englysh effect.

Why is this needed? Do we really need anymore 'Olde Towne Squares' or 'Westwynde Pointe' housing developments? Didn't our current English spelling advance beyond this for a reason? Why do we feel the need to harken back to that outmoded system?


It's bugging me.

Just need to vent and to get my mind of the important stuff that's giving me major stress. This is just fun stress.

Posted by Ann on 07/17/04@02:25 PM CST ..::Link::..Whisper or Scream?

Patterns of Behavior

Sometimes I think we dislike certain people because we see in them the potential of what we could've become. I know this is true in my case. Of course this doesn't hold true for all our dislikes, sometimes we simply dislike someone because they are a nasty piece of work. But because you were able to see beyond the potential error of your ways and went another path, when you are then reconfronted with someone else on that old path, and you see how pointless that path is, you tend to dislike them because they haven't been enlightened as you have. Now if you saw them struggling on the path, you'd want to embrace them and help them find their way out. But not if they're stubborn and stuck in their ways, and especially if they knock the path *you* are on. Then you just find them tedius, if not worthy of dislike.

I'm not thinking of anyone in particular, but instead people in general.


I have developed phone phobia.

The thought of hearing the phone ring, the thought of seeing a message on it from an unknown number (i.e., one of Tim's relatives), sends my heart pounding. My last experiences of hearing Tim's mom's messages were enough for me. I know my blood pressure is up, and this is not healthy for me. I would've sent Stan to work today with the phone, but that would've left me without any communication whatsoever, and if I had a pet emergency or something, I would be screwed. So Stan wrapped the phone up in a towel and put it in the dryer in the basement. I know where it is in case I need it, but I will not be able to hear it ring while he's at work.

Once the whole Tim crisis is resolved and finalized, I will be a normal person with a cellphone again. But as for now, I cannot deal with it. For my own health's sake.

Posted by Ann on 07/17/04@12:38 PM CST ..::Link::..A Whisper Inside.

Friday, July 16, 2004

DREAM...Tim is Home and Art Gallery

I don't have much hope. I had a dream last night that Tim called us. His voice was crystal clear, not tired, not hyphenated by gasps for breath, not weak, but strong. I was overjoyed. He said he was well, and he'd been released from the hospital. He said he was all better now. He was cured.

I believe that is a sign that he is indeed "home" in the metaphoric, cosmic sense of "home." But then again, I do not know because no one has called us. I am fearing the call.

I also had a dream that I was in a room with people. Stan was there, as were some old paintings similar to ones I did in college over 20 years ago. They were large and abstract. They were, in the dream, my paintings. There were also some paintings by other people. They were crappy, poorly done, even the stretching of the canvas was bad. Mine were warping a little, but not too much to distract from the image. Then the room changed and the paintings were on the wall, like a gallery. The paintings were newer, like ones I did in the 90s with gold leaf. There were 4 large horizontal paintings, one on each wall, surrounded on the edges by some smaller paintings. It looked very oriental. My paintings reminded me of gongs. The people in the room were having a discussion and they wanted to turn my (metal leafed) paintings around because they were glaringly distracting. I told them if they turn them around they will be even more distracting because of the insulation material, which is silvery, that Stan used to assemble them (long complicated explanation of why he uses it I will not go into).

Posted by Ann on 07/16/04@09:55 AM CST ..::Link::..Whisper or Scream?

Thursday, July 15, 2004

What the?

I can reach this site at But not with the www. in front. Same with Stan's new site (can't say the name yet as it's under construction) I can reach ann-s-thesia any way. I can't reach eyebalm or dingbatcave at all, www. or no. This doesn't make sense to me. I am very confused. I am very nervous and scared.

I still cannot believe a hospital would release a patient with water on the lungs fighting an infection. That seems so wrong, regardless of what the patient said he wanted.

Posted by Ann on 07/15/04@02:54 PM CST ..::Link::..2 Screamers.

i don't like thursdays

I've said it before and I'll say it again, Thursdays SUCK. In Mythology, Thursday is ruled by Jupiter, which is expansive, and so when things go wrong, they go wrong in a BIG way.

Woke up and everything seemed fine, got an order for a graphic image, but when I tried to locate the image on my computer, it was GONE. Tried to resurrect it with Norton Utilities, but no luck. I know I accidentally deleted it at some point because I know I was clearing out its folder and probably accidentally grabbed something thinking it was trash and it was the file. Unfortunately, I did a backup on Monday. I say unfortunately, because had I not backed up, my file would still be in the backup because when I backup, I 'update' rather than add everything because i don't have room to add evrythig, if that makes sense. I don't give a damn about typos right now either. Spent the entire morning trying out demo undelete/file recovery programs to no avail. Then I finally tried Norton on my backup, and wonder of wonders, I found the file. It was there. Intact. I was shocked and soooo happy. But the happy soon turned. I tried to email my customer to tell her that I found it, that I won't have to cancel her order, but my email wouldn't go. Charter wouldn't acknowledge any problems, so I'm trying to unplug my cable modem and all that crap they tell you to do (when it's not YORU fault in the first place) to no avail. It's always chrter's fault. Teh only time it's my fault is when a dog unplugs it. But all the other tmes its charter. Gaaah. But in the process of reachng for the phone to call charter, I find that someone had tried to call. it was tim's mom saying that he had a 'spell' or something and they had toambulance im to the emergency room. Holy crap. I knew they released him too soon, tnere's no way I would want to go home if I had water on my lungs and still fighting an infection postop. But no, Tim didn't want to stay in the ospital. And I guess they don't argue with patients anymore or override their wishes when their life is in danger. Crap crap crap. Anyway, the hospital said they needed the bedspace, so they released him on monday. And here it's tnursday, the day when if somethig goes wrong, it goes wrong in a big way.

Posted by Ann on 07/15/04@02:38 PM CST ..::Link::..Whisper or Scream?

Wednesday, July 14, 2004

Pink Pink Pink



Posted by Ann on 07/14/04@01:23 PM CST ..::Link::..Whisper or Scream?

Monday, July 12, 2004

2 Nights of DREAMS

Weird dreams the past few nights. Sunday dreamed that I was in a rather institutional building, in a stairwell on a ground floor. There was a window in the stairwell and outside of it was a river. The river was rushing quickly, green murky water practically overflowing its banks, except that the motion of the river kept it on its path, like a gravity thing, so that the river was about 8 inches higher than the river banks. I was with Stan, and people in the building were saying that the river was going to overflow soon and that we should all get to our cars. The parking lot was lower than the river, and I was afraid if we went outside and for some reason the river overflowed, we'd be in worse shape than if we just stayed inside the building (which had several stories).

Last night I dreamt that I was putting some metal things away on a shelf (I can't describe this too well, you would've had to have been there) and they kept falling off so I kept shoving them harder until I was hitting them and getting mad. There was a woman there, supposedly some customer service rep or sales clerk or something, and she was frustrated that I couldn't put the metal things away. I was practically throwing them on the shelf really hard, and they would fly back out at me and hit me. I think one hit me so hard that it knocked me out and I fell on the floor, under a table. No one would help me. I was really angry and woke up crying.

Posted by Ann on 07/12/04@10:40 AM CST ..::Link::..Whisper or Scream?

Sunday, July 11, 2004

More Unbelievable Tales of Stupid People

Tim had his valve replacement surgery last Monday. Fortunately they did a mechanical valve rather than a pig valve, much to my relief. I'd rather be bionic than know an animal had to die for me in that way when mechanics would suffice instead. We went to visit him in the hospital yesterday. They were planning on releasing him this coming Monday, but it takes everything out of him to walk about 40 feet or so. And he has fluid in his lungs, so he won't be coming home until that is cleared up.

He was telling us about a physical therapist there. I guess he told her that he had to be able to walk up stairs before they release him. She asked him why. He told her he lives on the 2nd floor of his condo building. She asked him why he has to live in a place with so many steps.


I'm sorry, but that just set me off in an angry tirade (picture Ann doing her Dennis Hopper impression), trying to not get too mad in front of the recovering patient and in front of Stan who would tell me my blood pressure is rising, but that is just the most INSENSITIVE thing I have heard in a long time. Why do you have to live in a place with steps? 'Because I'm poor!' Tim answered.

It's a good thing I wasn't present when he was talking to her. I'd give her the third degree.

Another one of those 'Why can't you just....' women.

I don't want to use the word 'rude' because rudeness requires some sort of consciousness one is being rude, I believe. Naive? Tactless? JUST PLAIN STOOOOPID?

OK, to be a Physical Therapist means you had to go to university. You had to get a degree. You had to experience other people. You had to live near a college, you had to be exposed to some sort of (even in a very small way) semi/quasi-urban way of life (unless you got your entire degree at some sort of extension in rural Podunk, Eb from Green Acres style). You must have some sort of knowledge that there are buildings out there that have more than one floor, and not all these buildings have elevators. Right? People must be aware of this, right? Am I wrong on this?


I mean if Tim KNEW when he bought the condo 7 years ago that he'd be having open heart surgery in 2004, he would've opted for a first floor unit, but at the time, 2nd floor seemed the best (fewer utility bills being sandwiched between floors, less risk of having a roof collapse not being on the top floor, less risk of being robbed not being on the first floor with easily accessible windows). But then again, if Tim knew that he'd also know which lottery numbers to pick and getting a condo at Sherman Terrace would be moot because he'd be living the highlife in Hawaii. With elevators.

I think the physical therapist needs a little sensitivity training to be in the profession she is in.

People like her probably bitch at their property tax bill being too high and think teachers are being paid too much. Yeah, they have to be able to afford those 2nd floor condos without elevators. Oh, wait. People like her probably never even see their property tax bill. Hubby probably has his accountant take care of it all.

Posted by Ann on 07/11/04@12:34 PM CST ..::Link::..Whisper or Scream?
By Ann @ 02:48 PM CST:07:17:04 ..::Link::..Whisper or Scream?