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Saturday, July 19, 2003


How often has this happened to're talking to a parent on the phone and they say, "So-and-so asked about you." So-and-so you knew ages ago, before you were your own person. Unfortunately, you suspect so-and-so still isn't their own person, never have been, and never will be. If they were, you'd be happy to know how So-and-so themself is doing, but you're not. You could care less how So-and-so is, and have forgotten about them except for the fact that your parent reminded you of their existence, and perhaps the occasional bad memory of them breaking your glasses or assorted juvenile insults.

Why should So-and-so care how I'm doing? Does she want to hear sordid stories of how I'm a miserable failure, so she can feel better in her own life? Does she want to be tickled by tales of my whacky lifestyle? Ann, the never-ending source of infinite amusements. Is she expecting my mom to pull out the latest wallet-sized image of her daughter so that So-and-so can be satisfied to know that yes, even *I*, the little beanpole, have put on weight in my old age too. I'm proud to say my mom is not a walking wallet-sized photogallery, so So-and-so will have to keep wondering about my physical likeness, and only take home a small ambiguous morsel-sized serving of "she and her husband are doing fine" to quench her unsatisfied taste for gossip.

At one time Stan and I knew some people who I will refer to as people-we-used-to-know. For reasons best left unsaid, we decided we did not want to know these people anymore. OK, let's just say they were moral reasons. Ooooh, shock, Ann and Stan have morals. Surprise. One day about 8 years ago, they popped in calls ahead, they were just "in town" and having an argument and thought "Ann and Stan wil cheer us up." Excuse me, when was I someone's walk-in entertainment service? Drop by unannounced while we're busy and don't want to be bothered, drop by with your bratty kid who kicks my dog, yeah, that'll cheer me up. I'll become a barrel of jokes for YOUR AMUSEMENT.

To quote Joe Pesci's character from Goodfellas "What do you mean I'm funny?"

When I get solemn, people wonder what is wrong. There is nothing fucking wrong. I just don't always feel like laughing at a stupid silly joke. I lie, I say I'm tired or I have a headache. But in reality, I'm sick of laughing. I'm sick of smiling. I'm sick of surface talk and levity. I want the flesh inside. I want the bone. None of this conversational skin with little or no nutritional value.

I think I'm at this place where no one else other than Stan can understand me. People seem to think of me as a walking Halloween party...dark, gothic, yet fun. The haunted house is done up in various hues of black with whacky lights and candy corn. Behind a closed door is not a plastic skeleton or a bedsheet ghost, but just a plain room without pretense. It's so plain, in fact, it frightens the trick-or-treaters. Everything is put away in drawers so no one can see what is really there. At one time I brought those belongings out, but people didn't see them and tripped over them. Or they asked who they belonged to, not realizing they belonged to me.

I'm sick of the party-goers. It's not Halloween anymore. I've run out of candy.

The party's over.

Posted by Ann on 07/19/03@06:24 PM CST ..::Link::..

Another guessing game, Stan

Below are three Babelized song lyrics. I made it easy...I picked the *first* Korean babelization, so it's not too many generations removed from the original lyric. They're also pretty well-known and obviousish lyrics. So guess what the songs are!

Pink Floyd:
I to be extensive in the darkside of month and see

Lou Reed:
e The baby, was wild, side it has walking and it goes

David Bowie:
When you connect the boy or the girl, inside rotation causing to which
she is not positively it got your mother

Posted by Ann on 07/19/03@10:09 AM CST ..::Link::..

OK, this is very silly, but fun

I just downloaded a freebie program called "Babelize" which takes some text and translates it into a foreign language and then back again into English, several times until it simply cannot translate it anymore. Korean has the strangest translation outputs, so I'm going to "Babelize" the three dreams from my previous entry:

Translation 1 (original -> Korean -> English):

7.17.03 dreams

It goes out and it goes out with an inside, adolescence it is
regarding the inside the supervision church which does the favor of
looking the child who the case which will be is young silence a. It
faded and the possibility of going out there was I. Is complicated
the }floorplan{. which
7.18.03 dreams

He celm his head excepts a kind more and regarding conference Roger
silence he is thin... It supplies water. Music or household duties
of pink color Floyd it means to peel, el I which will dry wanted
talking to him, it goes out but and, to talk, it will be able to
think, all with lower part it is same,: " It pokes fun at, it went
out but and after talking it with realness, " it was beautiful with or
e li to three it felt.
He is big more and long it was his fur which becomes to except, my
pug, the LuciferSam regarding the kacikoiss flag silence he is thin,
7.19.03 dreams

The Stan's for an employment place regarding the army which is the
public finance problem which it does not adumbrate well silence a. It
becomes workless the Paula (who Stan with the thing is same, for same
place it works inside probably different reverse, but with the total)
regarding silence a. It is lodging to be like that, with us it had
her in inside and regarding us good season to think the thin money and
and silence it excepted all the possibility of doing it was.

Wow. OK, now for Translation #2:

7.17.03 dreams

It will go toward the outside and inside, it will hold and
toward the outside in the adolescence when it is staring it sees the
child who is a silence a where the box is young the supervision church
favor it goes. It faded and the possibility of good season from that
place was the I at the outside. As 7.18.03 dreams floorplan. do to be

He celm his head type under excepting by him little more is
thin... It it stares the Roger silence of the sliced raw fish will ask
and it supplies. Thinking the music or furniture duty of pink color
military discipline Floyd the silver, wanted talks in him and toward
the outside the fact that it peels the el i will stop, it it goes and
with but, in talk, it will be ability, by all in the low-end parts
which an identical water is,: "It stabed to a fun, it was Gass at the
outside and with but after talking it to the realness from," arm
stretch all wess all or it was it felt of the e lithium in three. He
will hold khu five Raes east little more and he is excepted and his
fur, my pug, by him kind and thin kacikoiss flag silence confronting
LuciferSam, it was. 7.19.03 dreams

The adumbrate the army confronting employment market which is a
good silence a aerial accounting problem smallness hazard Stan's. It
(in who thing Stan it is identical water, because inside fact same
different reversal, it works but) it becomes silence a under becoming
workless confronting Paula in identical place total. It lodges in
order that convenience, we and her in inside was on an internal and
Yalb the money, under thinking, in order to become silent the seasonal
datum which is good us staring it they were all possibilities
description below and it excepted.


Geez. OK, Translation #3:

7.17.03 dreams

It and will go with an inside at outside, it catches and inside
adolescence it sucks when seeing, the child who is a silence in the
supervision church favor place where the box it is young by is thin it
sees at outside and. It fades and the possibility of the seasonal
datum which is good from that place was the I outside. floorplan as
7.18.03 dream. In order to do to be complicated do

He the celm him him shedding of blood above the very is thinner
in small quantity in the lower part of exclusion of the side... It
sucks Ig Ji whom it slices Roger silence of the fish which is not and
the it sees asks it supply. Music or furniture duty under thinking the
pink color military discipline army field Floyd inside that and the
silver, to want at outside and the talk the water which is identical
person daytime inside the last parts from all side to go out to a fun,
to be distant and that the el dance it peels fact, it it goes and but,
Oh! in draft, it ability,: "That will be it stabed, outside the Gass
li, but it is after talking from it to the realness from," eight all
wess which spread all or it of the e lithium it felt inside three and.
He caught khu 5 Raes in small quantity little more to the east and
exclusion Doe it was the kindness and thin kacikoiss flag silence
confrontation LuciferSam, as his fur, it was my pug and 7.19.03

The adumbrate when it confronts the employment market which is
a good silence aerial accounting problem smile danger Stan's the army.
Under becoming workless became and in the lower part (thing Stan water
which is it equality it was and but it silence and and a to peel who
inside internal fact identically different reverse indignation, it in
order to work) it became the Paula inside chapter smallness adding up
which is identical it confronted. It is convenient, the Yalb where we
and her on the inside are not in inside the money, under becomeing
silent by Joh them all and it it it excepts sucks on royal tomb
characteristic depiction lower part and it sees and inside ordering in
the lower part of the thought will become our total paragraph data it


Much worse. Translation #4: (oh, please make it stop soon)

7.17.03 dreams

To only it matched, with inside it seized and and,, it in the side
which in the place is youthful the box is thin outside silence
adolescence inside the child it is a N when it will suck inside the
supervision church favor place which it sees. It fades and the
possibility of the season data which is good from that place was
outside the floorplanI with 7.18.03 dreams. In order to do to be
complicated in order description below

Him emission of blood of up of that him of celm at quite inside lower
part of exclusion of side more thin elementary quantity... It
intelligence is the N it will suck the IgJi which slices the Roger
silence of the fish which is not and it reports a supply to it it
asks. Color army field army field Floyd pink color it thinks easily,
music or the person week which identical from on all side last portion
internals will go out to a furniture medical service and the silver
and a fun in the lower part and is the adjacent waters, in order to be
distant el outside and fasciation this of dance it to want fact, and
it it is thin but, it peels Ohio,! Inside draft, with it stabedGass
lithium over, after from but talking to an actuality from it, " all it
ladles, position 8 all wess ability of the E lithium,: " Or it felt
the inside 3 it. He on the east seizes the khu5Raes in small quantity
little more at elementary quantity and exclusive female kindness and
the thin kacikoiss indicates with his fur together, my pug which are
silence confrontation LuciferSam it and 7.19.03 dreams

The silence aerial accounting problem smile dangerous Stan's army
where it is good will confront employment market the }adumbrate{. of
the case which It becomes workless and becoming the lower part,
(thing Stan adjacent waters branch smile which but with it the
equality which will be it attachs it it is identical it confronted to
peel in order to work with with it silence with piece whose which
thing is high who inside inside fact it was identical and A it peels
different reversal indignation, it) inside lower part became the Paula
on internal. Under convenience to the lower part of the becomeing
where inside we and her on money internal in inside by the Joh are
silent in the place, the Yalb, they all it king grave which it excepts
it orders it held inside lower part of the report thought which will
suck on the depiction lower part which is unique it means become our
total paragraph data which lodge. Silence intelligence by information
information which is not it was thin by it N it this information
spirit will catch will hold it talks or inside.


This is starting to irritate me. Translation #5:

7.17.03 dreams

To it to it, it seized only in internal to agree, when sucking on the
supervision church favor place internal which it sees inside the box
side which is lively inside place, by outside it is thin on the child
internal which is a N silence adolescence and. It fades and the
possibility of the seasonal datum data which is good from that place
in 7.18.03 dreams was with floorplanI over. Inside order depicting in
order to do to be complicated on lower part grudge it respects,

Emission of that that dignity blood of positively side more in inside
low-end parts thin elementary double meaning exclusion him of celm...
Information anh it is a N will suck the IgJi which slices the Roger
silence of the fish which is not and it reports a supply to to it it
asks. The military discipline army field army field which it thinks
easily it passed over and Floyd pink color military discipline and
music from all it was identical, side inside the low-end parts in
furniture medical service by a last portion internals and fun goes at
the outside and and the person week which is a water which is
contiguous, in order to be a el and a fasciation which are distant
outside this fact of dance, by it is thin, but, it peels it Ohio,! To
it in from inside draft, the stabedGass lithium and after wants but, "
the all it ladle from it under language, 8 E lithiums puts in
actuality,: " Or felt it all wess ability and 3 it it will hold. On
the east he in primary grade ocean seizes the khu5Raes in small
quantity little more in the small both eyes and the female kindness
which he monopolizes and silence confrontation LuciferSam it and they
are 7.19.03 dreams and the thin kacikoiss together in his fur, my

The silence aerial accounting problem smile which is a good will in
the place the Stan's army who is dangerous the adumbrate confronts
employment market. The inside fact was it equality internal of the
box where becomes it and it was A it to peel, who it became workless
in the low-end parts where the thing is high and, (thing Stan it is
contiguous to to it attachs it of it it asks him different reverse
indignation indignation in formation of a cabinet which peels silence
in order to work by, in order to peel it it is identical equality will
be it it confronts, smile it diverges but to it) the inside low-end
parts on the inside became the Paula. In the side of the Joh in
inside in internal in the inside money on our and her internal inside
place be silent in the place in the lower part of convenience, the
Yalb, they the wages which excepts it the all it grave orders it it it
is only it thinks are meat in the low-end parts of the becomeing and
it caught the internal low-end parts of the report in our total
paragraph data will suck in the depiction low-end parts.


Please lock me away now.

Posted by Ann on 07/19/03@09:35 AM CST ..::Link::..

DREAMS: Something about them.

I've been lax on recording and remembering my dreams from the past few nights. So here's a quick synopsis of what I can remember.

7.17.03 DREAM

Something about being in the Methodist church I used to babysit in when I was a teen. Wishing I could get out. Confusing floorplan.

7.18.03 DREAM

Something about meeting Roger Waters...except he was younger and his hair was sort of red. I wanted to tell him how much the music and lyrics of Pink Floyd means to me, but all I could think of to say was: "It's sarcastic, yet beautiful" and I felt really stupid after I said it.

Something about holding my pug, Lucifer Sam, except he was larger and older and his fur was sort of red.

7.19.03 DREAM

Something about the county having financial problems which did not bode well for Stan's place of employment. Something about Paula (who works for the same place as Stan does, but in a totally different area) being unemployed. Something about us thinking of taking her in as a lodger so we could all save money.

Say I ain't psychic on this one, please.

Posted by Ann on 07/19/03@09:18 AM CST ..::Link::..

Tuesday, July 15, 2003


For some strange reason, Stan and I had to rent a house. I don't know why we couldn't live in our old house, and I don't even know where this new house was, whether it was in Madison or somewhere in Colorado. We were looking at this new house with these disney witch-type realtors. It was done in sort of an interesting southwestern-style decor, with walls that didn't reach the ceiling, but had a staggered top edge sort of like a castle's keep. I guess that gave people a spot to put their adobe bowl and kachina doll collection...heh. I told Stan that it would look good to hang our art on the walls, but he didn't want to put holes in it since we'd be renting. I explained a way to do it without holes, and that would be to wrap the picture wire around the top of the higher area in back. Supposedly there were people living on a floor above us, but it got confusing because it was as if we were looking at their place to rent too. Our ceiling...their floor was not completely closed off, to give an "airy" feel to it, so it seemed as if it was intended as one unit instead of two. We sat down at a table to write up a contract with the realtors. They initially had a number of $900/month on it, but one of the realtors said that we weren't buying the house, just renting it, so it would be a different amount. I was still satisfied that it would be lower than what we pay per month on our current house, as it seemed as a rather posh place.

The next part of the dream was really hard to was as if we were living in the house described in the last dream, but just in the basement. We were also engaged in illegal activites, but I think we might have just been play acting it as well. It was too surreal to describe.

Posted by Ann on 07/15/03@08:08 AM CST ..::Link::..
By Ann @ 20:55 PM CST:07:20:03 ..::Link::..