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04:21:2002 Entry: "Couch Killers"
Couch Killers
Ten years ago we bought a couch and matching loveseat. They had very nice fabric and were quite a good deal for the price. They had a sort of old fashioned look (1930s?), yet were new. A couple years ago, they started getting uncomfortable. They're assembled as one piece, i.e., they don't have removable cushions. Stan remedied the problem by overstuffing them to alleviate the sagging. But having seen ten years of cats, dogs and humans, we have decided it's best to put them out of their misery, as the overstuffing is sinking too, and wires are starting to poke me in the side. Unfortunately, since they have very minor tears in the fabric (thanks, Hieronymus), we can't give them to Goodwill or St. Vincent's. Can you believe a charity is that picky? Essentially, the couch and loveseat that have had the tears for several years have been good enough for me, but not good enough for people shopping at second hand stores. (Someone explain that one to me?) We can't leave the furniture outside for the trash service to haul away because they charge a ridiculous amount, like $50 for a large couch.
So we are forced to become...
Furniture killers! We will cut them up into little pieces and put them in the trash one chunk at a time. No one will be the wiser. Isn't that sick? I feel like a criminal. It's sad, really, they were such nice couches.
We will substitute our existing futon for the main couch and we also bought a new futon today in place of the loveseat. One nice thing about them is that you can always change the futon cover if it gets frayed, and that's relatively inexpensive. And I've always thought futons are even more comfortable as couches than couches are.
Just between you and me, Stan killed a recliner once before, so he has a record. It really freaked Vladimir out, as that was "Vladimir's chair," or at least it was when we lived in Colorado. He staked a claim to that chair. Poor Vladimir when he saw his beloved recliner in little bits...never was the same since.
6 Comments
I agree with you on the futons. We don't have a couch either, but I still agree with you on the futons. Couches are only for decoration, they're seldom long enough to lay on and what's the point then? One anyway have chairs for sitting.
And I have also cutted furnitures in pieces to get them in the trash so you're not the only criminal ;o)
Posted by Nick Aliasso @ 02/18/2002 08:22 PM CST
They have a new Habitat for Humanity store here. Jim and I took an upholstered rocking chair there and the guy refused it. We said, look, if you don't think someone will pay for it, just give it away! (They have plenty of room out there.) But he said no. And like your furniture, the damn thing had been good enough for us, right there in the living room in front of God and everybody for years. I even took the trouble to brush and lint-roller it. There's more. I once was a party to disassembling a box spring so it could be put in heavy duty trash bags and fit in the dumpster. Here's the best one. When I married somebody they didn't like and moved out, my parents chopped up the upright piano. They said it was so they wouldn't have to carry it downstairs, but I bet they could have found someone to come and get a free piano. I think it was just cussedness.
Posted by pat hartman @ 02/19/2002 03:45 AM CST
Oh Ann! This is waaaaay sick!!! Make Stan do it, don't be an accomplice!! hehehe..... Once you start killing furniture, you'll never stop!! (Of course I wouldn't know, but that's what I'm told) Whats that you say? NO! I don't know ANYTHING about the Futon that disappeared from my apartment several years ago. I think it was stolen! *ROTFL* :op
Posted by Maria @ 02/19/2002 06:43 AM CST
Guilty. Oh the shame...
Just a week or two ago we did the same thing to a chair that we no longer wanted and couldn't give away because of the rips.
Yep, I felt like a criminal too...
Posted by Shannon @ 02/19/2002 08:34 AM CST
I forgot to mention the futon we had in Colorado before we got our waterbed. (Stan's first offense). At that time we didn't even have a frame for it...we had it right on the floor for several years. After we got the waterbed, we had no room to store the futon and since it had been on the floor, the fabric had started to mold/mildew. So we butchered that one too, except we salvaged as much of the cotton stuffing as possible, and I processed it into art paper (ground some of it up in a blender). So some of my paper-based art has actual futon flesh in it.
Pat, that piano story is sad...and I don't even like pianos. (long story)
It's weird how we anthropomorphise furniture though. During the Victorian era, they even had little coverings that people put on their piano legs so as not to reveal too much "leg." Heh...I guess that gives a whole new meaning to "getting a woody."
Posted by Ann @ 02/19/2002 10:08 AM CST
We once threw a green velvet couch from our balcony. Splat! Crunch! That was FUN!
I am evil.
We've got a broken crib and an old, very decrepit sofa out in our garage, waiting for us to dismember them.
Posted by Jaz @ 02/19/2002 03:16 PM CST