plato caligula lucifersam apollo

Wednesday, May 06, 2009

It's just the Oxycotin Viagra Cocktail Talking

I Heard This on The Ed Show

Limbaugh Mocks Recession

Actually I'd like to hear him squeal like a pig. A stuck pig. If any of the teabaggers with pitchforks had any brains, they'd be better off skewering this arrogant bastard.


Monday, March 16, 2009

Deadly Vipers and Killer Bees

So everyone's heard of Dick Cheney's Assassination Squad by now. Over the weekend, Stan and I mutated it into Dick Cheney's Deadly Viper Assassination Squad. Kill Dick!

Dick Cheney of course is Bill, The Snake Charmer, er, I guess it would be Dick the Snake Charmer in this case.

Dubya would be cast as Budd/Sidewinder his brother, in this case it's Budd Weiser. An alcoholic living in a trailer. Perfect.

Condi Rice is Vernita Green/Copperhead.

Michelle Malkin is O-Ren Ishii/Cottonmouth.

Ann Coulter is Elle Driver/California Mountain Snake.

But that leaves Beatrix Kiddo. Who gets to be Black Mamba? Stan suggested Scott McClelland, since he used to be on the dark side and then turned against them, but, and nothing personal against Scott, but he is so very un-Uma Thurman-like. At least with the others they match, more or less. OK, Dick Cheney and David Carradine don't exactly come to mind in the same breath either in terms of physical appearance, but their initials match.

I'm a bit puzzled by this and it will no doubt take up my subconscious thinking about casting the perfect politico as The Bride.


I had a tragic perfume spill. Previously, I had diluted some Golden Champaka (super expensive stuff!) essential oil to a 33% solution so it would be easier to drop it from an orifice reducer. Unfortunately, it was still really thick, so I had removed the orifice reducer. And duh, today when I tried to make a recipe with it, I forgot the orifice reducer was no more, so I immediately took the top off and tilted the bottled, which elicited a flow of very fragrant Champaka out onto the table and all over my recipe cards. I sopped up what I could and put it back into the bottle. It is sad. It's not like it happened to Lemon or some inexpensive EO. But no, it happened to Champaka. The rest of the spill was sopped up and worn on myself, not to let any good Champaka go to waste. I smell great, a little strong, but good. I took the dogs out and was immediately surrounded by several early spring bees. I was highly desirable. Nothing smells like Champaka, in fact, literally to these bees, nothing smells like Champaka because it is from India. It was an exotic treat for them. It was a bit freaky. I hope most of the smell dissipates by the time I go for a bike ride this afternoon.

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Wednesday, October 15, 2008


So, that would make Palin Catwoman, and Biden...Robin? Say it ain't so, Joe.

But serious LOL @ Penguin McCain


Friday, October 03, 2008

We Might Have an Even Bigger Problem Now

Sarah Palin's flag pin was bigger than Joe Biden's. Stan and I remarked it was like the large print Reader's Digest version of Flag Pins. It only had like 6 or 7 stripes, so all the content wasn't there, just like Reader's Digest Condensed Versions, also sort of like her responses. Telling the moderator she isn't going to answer the question but talk about something else (that she was obviously coached on) was just plain RUDE.

And why is Chris Matthews the only person talking about her wanting more executive power in the position of VP, more than Cheney even? I mean I thought Keith O. would go on about that point last night, but Chris sure did, and with good reason. Hopefully Keith will bring it up tonight...and I'm sure Chris will rail on it. Someone has to.

After it was over, I was mentally humming the Dead Kennedy's "California Über Alles/We've Got A Bigger Problem Now" except changing the title to "Alaska Über Alles" and adjusting the lyrics to fit:

I am VeePee Sarah Palin
Born Again with Fascist Cravings
Soon I will be President

Human rights will soon go away
I'm your Hockey Mom today
Now I command all of you
Your kids will go to private school
I'll make sure they're Christian too

Alaska Uber alles
Uber alles Alaska

Big Oil will control you
Still you think it's natural
Drillin' for the master race
Still you wear the happy face

You closed your eyes, can't happen here
Repeal of Roe v. Wade is near
Putin's head won't go away
Join the army or you will pay

Alaska Uber alles
Uber alles Alaska


Thanks to Jello Biafra for the originals.


Wednesday, October 01, 2008

Mr. Magoo



Wednesday, September 24, 2008

State of Being

And Dubya even gets to play a chimp again...

being john mccain


Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Political Operating System 10.666



Thursday, September 11, 2008

Why EBay Grabs my Goat

Well, not eBay the Entity...okay, scratch that, yes, eBay the Entity, eBay the Corporation *does* piss me off as a seller with their changing policies, higher fees, less exposure, yadda yadda, the usual storeowner gripes. But that's not what this is about.

I had a little problem the past couple days, not a big problem, just a little glitchy problem. Like most large Web 2.0 sites, ebay has a bunch of forums available to ask questions. I ask a question about it on one forum, no one is able to answer, so someone directs me to another forum. I ask there. One person replies and suggests I contact ebay directly by phone. I do that, turns out the problem is a permanent thing ebay has changed and there's no way to undo other words, it's not a glitch, it's a feature. OK, that sucks, but not as much as the fact that only two people replied to my post, and it was with "go ask somewhere else" sort of responses. Not one "yeah, that's happening to me too, wish they didn't remove that feature." Nothing.

Ebay's boards are filled with FORMER store owners and sellers who have since abandoned shop and gone elsewhere, yet they still hang out on the ebay boards to gripe about ebay--not that there aren't things to complain about, but I sure as hell wouldn't hang out somewhere I don't do business at anymore just to complain. It's like people who graduate but never "leave" high school. These boards also contain racist anti-Obama postings. WTF? Why can't people just use the forums to ask questions about ebay issues? Granted, no one is paid to answer questions, and whoever does answer a question does so out of generosity, not as part of a paid or volunteer position, since they're just ebay members like myself. But still. There's no community feeling...just antagonism.

I suspect a couple reasons nobody replied...1) I'm not a "boardie" regular (in other words, I have a life, and only go there when there's a problem with ebay to see if other people are experiencing the same thing) so there's no name-recognition with my handle. and 2) People are too caught up with their Ebay Bashing and Democrat Bashing (which is a really odd couple of bedfellows) that they don't even notice when one of their ebay tools isn't functioning like it used to.

You know, despite the fact I only have a cellphone with minimal daytime minutes, next time something is wonky, I'm calling eBay directly. I was pleasantly surprised that I got a phone response quickly and didn't stay on hold long at all. To hell with the illiterate hillbilly board people. They're like union members who vote equivalent of Stan's job. They can flag wave all they want and support right-wing agendas, but when a corporation changes their policies they get all up in arms. And who are you voting for again?

It's this silence. You post a question, intelligently written, explaining your problem as clearly as you can and it's met with silence. You picture them in your mind's eye, mouths gaping slack-jawed gum chewing daytime network tv watching, staring at their monitor and the question reads: "kei, sleis qwikdb s lsoe scnvk dkdirjcydkl ekto-zkscvd sl ?" They pop another WalMart brand bonbon in their mouth and move on to another question they can comprehend, something about their grandchildren, their mobile home, their SUV and ATVs and dirt bikes and how the Democrats are going to raise their taxes.

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Tuesday, September 09, 2008

For Python Fans

*Michael* Palin for President

The (Alaskan) Lumberjack Song


Monday, September 08, 2008

The Goobernator


Odd Couples

Is anyone else as baffled as I am by the relationships of people like Mary Matalin and James Carville, and Maria Shriver and Ahhnold? Personally, it boggles the mind. See, it's not a case where neither party is uninterested and uninvolved in politics, and the husband votes Repub and the wife votes Demo once every four years, if that, as I'm sure it is in many politically mixed marriage households across the country. No, both couples are deeply entrenched in politics. It is the life they have chosen, and in the case of Maria, the life she was born into.

Are they constantly arguing with eachother? Are china plates, windows and mirrors continually being replaced? Have they ever filed divorce papers? I'm confused...why are either couple still together?

To me it is very important that my significant other and I see eye to eye on "the issues". Yes, we have some minor disagreements, but fundamentally we are in agreement on our view on the world, politically, socially, religiously (lack thereof). I don't understand how you could remain together if you weren't.

When I am in the company of a casual acquaintance or relative and I feel the conversation turning to an opposing political or world view, I get a very uneasy feeling, like I want to get out of there as soon as possible. I can't imagine being in that situation every single freakin' day.

I can see how a young naive couple unknowingly get together and as they grow older their views change. But in the case of the above-mentioned famous couples, they obviously knew very well what the others' views were when they got into the relationship.

This is not a happy "wow, how do they do it, they must be very strong" smiley face smiley face happy happy joy joy sort of post. On the contrary. I find it extremely odd and baffling, not to mention disturbing.


Thursday, September 04, 2008

Gustav and The Kitchen Sink

Last Sunday, due to hurricane Gustav, John McCain urges Republicans and Conventioneers to "take off our Republican hats and put on our American hats." does this mean that normally Republicans aren't Americans? Yes, yes, I believe that must be the case.

And they called Hillary "Shrill". Hillary has nothing on this nails-on-a-chalkboard squeaky mouse on steroids. Hillary's voice is like a smooth drink of warm velvet compared to this. Yes, I watched it...for the amusement value and to get my blood boiling (not that I really need that with high blood pressure and all). A "see how what the other half thinks" sort of thing.

OK, Gustav is HERE. Yes, here in the upper midwest up nort dere here. This really stinks for so many reasons, not that we don't need the calm steady rain or the cooler temperatures. Well, maybe it doesn't stink.. Maybe it's good. Maybe it's just for my own selfish reasons. Here's what happened:

Last Friday was the first time I could ride my bike since I was sick during the first part of that week. Things were looking was Labor Day weekend and we had a three-day weekend to ride bikes. Friday, due to mega errands we had to do beforehand, we rode on a path closer to town (through Fitchburg, to be precise) than our usual excursions into the country on the State Trails. It was a paved ride, but very up and down hilly. Maybe about 4 miles round trip, between Syene road and Glacier View (a suburban road about a block from Fish Hatchery Road). It was part of the Capital City Trail. Very exhausting, very hot, pretty winding. We went through a nature preserve that was next to a public hunting ground. Odd. Pretty though. Parts of it reminded me of reoccurring dreams I would have where we drive into a natural area with grass and tall trees and water and there's lots of people all heading the same way. I think the dream is about dying. But anyway...

Then on Saturday mid morning, we went out past Mount Horeb to a place where we could park near the bike path close to Blue Mounds, and rode back to 78 where we ended the last Military Ridge Trail ride more than a week before. It was a quick ride to, but hell coming back. The sun was getting close to noon and it was a scorcher of a day, plus we were going uphill coming back. That's all we could ride...about 4 miles round trip again. We were hoping it would cool off for the rest of the weekend, but it didn't, each day getting hotter and hotter, until Tuesday, the hottest of them all. And Wednesday (yesterday) I had an eye doctor's appointment, so naturally I couldn't ride after that because my eyes were all anesthetized from the pressure test and dilated and wonky and I couldn't see (thank goodness Stan came with me...I surely wouldn't be able to drive home). And of course, on that day, the weather was PERFECT. Absolutely perfect. So we think, hey, it'll be even cooler today, Thursday, this will be a great day for a ride, even better weather. But no. This is when the remnants of Gustav decide to show up nort here. No bike rides for you. No, this isn't some west to east system passing through. Looking at a radar weather map online, this is a big swirling mass that's going to stick around all day. Not that I don't have lots of errands to do instead...But I feel like I've been cheated out of biking, either due to weather or doc appointments or being sick, or whatever. It's quite addicting. It's like the more you take these bike rides, the more you want to go. It will be very frustrating in the winter. I'm not one for riding in ice and snow. Never was.

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Saturday, August 30, 2008

Separated at Birth - Cold War Revisited

boris and natasha are john mccain and sarah palin separated at birth - oh no bullwinkle, says rocky, she eats mooseburgers - not to mention she got her degree in moscow, says bullwinkle;

John McCain and Sarah Palin are Boris and Natasha Separated at Birth. "Oh no, Bullwinkle," says Rocky, "She eats Mooseburgers!" "Not to mention she got her journalism degree in Moscow!*" says Bullwinkle. *Sarah Palin received her Bachelor's Degree in Journalism at the University of Idaho in Moscow, Idaho. Copyright 2008 by Ann Stretton/ with thanks to Stan Starbuck for the Moscow reminder, and of course, Jay Ward.


Friday, August 29, 2008

Political Metaphor

I've been racking my brain trying to figure out what the Republican VP choice reminds me of, and finally it just came to me as I was sifting through e-mail from both Apple and other products:

It's like when Steve Jobs and Apple comes out with something new and innovative and never-been-done before, and there's Bill Gates lurking around the corner, waiting for their next move so he can one-up them with something gimmicky for the Windows OS...but it just won't work as well as Apple, and he (John Bill Gates McCain) knows it, but he also knows it will sell, even if the system will crash.


Monday, July 14, 2008

New Yorker Cover Revisited

There's a lot of controversy about the New Yorker cover featuring an illustration of Michelle and Barack Obama as militant Black Panther and Muslim, respectively. Now it is obviously intended to be satire, but it borders a very fine line between what is satire and what could be *perceived* to be a slur.

The satire is not making fun of Obama himself, but in showing the absurdity of what *some* people think of Obama. But is this evident? 

I thought that perhaps they could have provided a little context to it, perhaps putting the image in quotations, so to speak. So here you go:

or maybe even:


Monday, June 30, 2008

Good Riddance

I was reading something on a local forum I subscribe to. Someone posted an open letter to the community by someone who tried to make a go of a business in the past year or two and couldn't. The business woman was from out of state and moving back home out east to be with her husband. ?. OK, whatever. There was a tone of disgruntledness that Madison wasn't open enough to her supposedly green-friendly business (the letter exuded "damn yokel cheddarheads" without saying as much), and I just sensed this elite east coast snobbery coming through it, on top of resentfulness that her business couldn't make it. Hey, maybe it's just the economy, stupid. Bad time to start a business, not your fault, not our fault, just the stupid economy.

She complained that as her business was losing money, she became homeless and had to live with her sister and sell her quarter million dollar condo. (Ann dons the "oh please!" expression). I'm sorry, living with your sister while you're working on selling your condo for 1/4million is NOT homeless! Cry me a frikkin river. But what REEEALLLY peeesed me off was how she touted her interest in creating a more eco-friendly, sustainable way of life and how she smiled when gas prices went up. (Ann dons the "WTF!!!" expression) How bloody smug is that? Look, I want more green eco friendly sustainable less car blah all those buzzwords too, but you don't see me smiling when gas prices go up! No one should be smiling when gas prices go up! You know who smiles when gas prices go up? Big Limp Dick Cheney, that's who! Dickey and You, that's who's smiling. And the guys who own oil wells. That's who. And that's all. The rest of us are screwed. Even if you don't drive or don't drive much or have the fortune of owning low-mileage/hybrid vehicles, shouldn't you have some empathy for those who HAVE to drive traditional cars, especially those who have to drive a lot because their survival depends on it? The truck drivers who bring your food to your market? The people out west who can only find jobs in tourist places like Aspen or Telluride, but can't afford to live in those communities so they have to commute from Rifle or Delta because that's the only place they can afford to live? People who live in small cities without developed mass transit and have to take a security job on the outskirts of town on 3rd shift when the busses aren't running...yeah, I'm sure they're really happy with the gas prices. Screw anyone who "likes" the fact gas prices are higher. Screw them.

People like that, although they tout all these liberal left ideals are protected by the security of their blue blooded family wealth who helped elect the spawn of George and Babs that got us into this mess.

I never went to her store. It wasn't convenient for me. Now, I'm glad I didn't make the extra effort.

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Tuesday, June 17, 2008

Why Are You Voting Republican?

I saw a portion of this video on MSNBC this morning and it cracked me up so much I just had to seek it out myself.

In keeping with the satiric theme, what are some reasons *you're* "voting Republican?"

"I'm voting Republican because that's how my husband/father/boss/minister vote, and they know more about politics than I do."

"I'm voting Republican because tree huggers are crazy."

"I'm voting Republican because I'm a registered Republican."

"I'm voting Republican because I think tax cuts for the rich is a good idea. I know if I ever became rich, I'd want to keep the money."


Monday, January 28, 2008

Court Composer

The Kennedy Clan just endorsed Obama and Chris Matthews (MSNBC) just compared Hilary Clinton to Antonio Salieri in Amadeus!

I love it!


Friday, January 25, 2008

The Sitcom

A computer malfunction is just as stressful and evokes the same nauseous response from me as does one of my pets getting sick. I know it's not the same, I would never compare a pet to a computer, but it still makes me ill when I cannot get one to work right. We got Stan's "new used" computer back form the shop, and to make a long story short, things aren't working right, I mean we can't even get it to start sometimes. I'm hoping it's something they can diagnose, so we have to take it back again. It's driving me crazy. I just want our computer situation to be back to normal. It keeps costing us $ to fix these things too.

On a lighter side, and I do need to cheer myself up because of this computer crisis right now, my mind is wandering when it comes to the Clinton v. Obama fight and ends up in Seinfeldville. Warning: This is for hardcore Seinfeld fans won't make sense unless you're extremely familiar with all the episodes:

First, there's the episode "The Cartoon" where comedian Kathy Griffin plays starting-out comedian Sally Weaver who accuses Jerry of ruining her life, goes on to have a one-woman show where she has a hand-held tape recorder dressed up with little red devil horns and a tail that is playing Jerry's voice. Sally is truly demented and is taking anything Jerry does/says and twists it for the purpose of her comedy act. I'm seeing Hilary Clinton as Sally, one woman show, with a little bedeviled tape recorder with Barack Obama's voice talking about how the Republicans had ideas (he didn't say "good" ideas, but Sally Weaver/Hilary Clinton would twist his words).

Then on the news last night, they were talking about how Clinton and Obama had to get along, possibly even run on the same ticket to save the Democratic party. This immediately brings to mind the episode "The Mango":

Elaine Hilary: Jerry Barack, we have to have sex run on the same ticket to save the friendship Party.
Jerry Barack: Sex Running together to SAVE the friendship Party. Well if we have to, we have to.

Someone with video mash up skills really should do this. Don't look at me, I just have the daydreams.

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Tuesday, January 22, 2008

Read my lips, stupid, it's the F&&#*@G economy!

I have to apologize to Stan because we got into an argument of semantics off-blog regarding the stupid rebate and just what it entails. I thought it was a rebate, plain and simple, $800 per person and $1500 or $1600 per couple (I've heard varying reports).

Now I hear via WPR that it's a rebate on your taxes, i.e., you need to have PAID that much in taxes first before you can be rebated on it. So if you do not OWE any tax, i.e., you do not earn enough money to pay tax, you get NADA. But if you make enough money, you WILL get the rebate. According to what I heard on the radio, the more you make, the more of this rebate you will see (up to a point...they also say that those making over $XXX,XXX will not get a rebate).

So if you earn $90,000 you get the whole enchilada, and if you earn $12,000, you get SQUAT. If you have worked all your life and paid taxes and now live on social security, you too get squat.

Explain to me the logic in this. The people who would NEED the money the most get nothing? Whereas the ones who will use Uncle George's Fun Pack like Gramma's Xmas money to buy some energy consuming status gadget WILL get it?

It's like the way Stan and I joke with eachother pretending to be a rich republican politician: "Why give the poor the money? They're not using it."

The Repugnican's (and obsequious Democrat's) logic in this is that they don't want it to be a welfare handout. Oh no, wouldn't want to help the citizens of your country who aren't as fortunate as you, oh no. They must be punished.

And before anyone gives me the "pull yourself up by your own bootstraps" argument, let me say this: Some people don't have bootstraps. How the hell can you pull yourself up without bootstraps? Some people weren't even told WHERE to get the bootstraps. Or maybe they were told by people who used bootstraps A LONG TIME AGO on how to acquire bootstraps, but that store is no longer in business and that info is completely useless.

This is why this whole stimulus package is pure bogosity. Use the money to fix our infrastructure, highways, bridges, or put it into research developing sustainable fuels. Like the space race of the 1960s put it into research to find eco-friendly and independence from foreign fuel.

Or Bush can take the stimulus package and shove it up his ass. I'd like to see that one on YouTube.


Friday, January 18, 2008

It's the Stupid Economy* and DREAM

They were talking about The Stupid Economy, Stupid, on the radio this morning, and Bush's silly "stimulus package" (ew, that sounds dirty). I dozed off momentarily into dreamland:

Stan and I were sitting in a ski lift (?WTF?) and we were discussing Bush's silly "stimulus package" (ew again). I was saying how ridiculous it was to give people a one-time $800, and what this country really needs is a long-term economic plan that will help the middle- and underclasses, but not just a one-time handout. Stan said "Well, fine, if you don't want your money, then you can give it to me, I have bills to pay." I thought his response rather odd because, yeah, duh, we both have bills to pay, but it's not a long term solution and I thought it was very shortsighted on his part and just plain odd to be so "Thank you, Uncle George!"

We'll have to wait for Stan's response to this one as his computer is in the shop (loooong story) so that hypothetical $800 would be welcome...but still, a very shortsighted solution nonetheless.

*Yes, Keith Olbermann may have used that term a few nights ago, but I was thinking it weeks before he said it!

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Friday, January 04, 2008

OK, was it just Stan and me or what?

As I alluded to in my previous post, Stan and I stayed up (staying up is 'til 10:30 pm since Stan has to get up to go to work at 4:45 am) to watch the Iowa Caucus coverage on MSNBC.

What is up with Chuck Norris's head? I mean the thing was HUGE! Absolutely GIGANTIC! It was like this jumbo-sized carved wooden puppet with unnaturally glaring white teeth, looming behind and completely dwarfing/detracting from Huckabee. As we were watching this, we were both in stitches. It was like we were college students on pot, laughing at the tv news. Except we were completely sober. It was such a bizarre sight.

I could tell Keith Olbermann wanted to comment about it last night, but smirked and bit his lip. Let's see if he says something on his show tonight.

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DREAM: Mitt Romney's Irish-American Family Vacation

It's 5 am, I'm half asleep, my nails are long and in the way of my keyboard, but I have to write this silly dream down before I forget it.

First, some background. Stayed up to watch the Iowa caucus speeches on MSNBC...Edwards, Clinton, Obama, Huckabee (along with Chuck Norris's enormous head), not Romney, however, noooo...that comes later. But speaking of Romney, it's my opinion, and maybe mine alone, that he reminds me a little physically of Jack Shephard's father, Christian Shephard, you know, alcoholic father and the corpse in the coffin on doomed flight 815? And you've heard PETA-enraging tales of Romney's Griswoldesque American Family Vacation with the dog in the box on the top of the car? Yes, all these things must have played into the formulation of:


So I'm like in...Ireland or something. WTF. I'm at the country home of some family whose mother has died. She had some young children. She lived next door to her parents who are both still living. Her mother, the kid's grandmother, comes out to talk to people who are with me. We go into the house. The dead mother is displayed in the parlor. They are having a green funeral, probably to be buried in the green hills of Ireland? WroNG! No, this corpse is coming with us, back to Madison, in a van being driven by Mitt Romney! As we're leaving, Mitt or somoene asks, "Doesn't this women have parents who live next door?" but I guess I was the only one who saw them. I didn't say anything, because I figure there's a reason her parents didn't want to be seen by the others.

This whole thing was surreal, like I was halfway participating in the dream, but also halfway watching it on tv. It especially got tv-esque when someone was worrying about the dead woman's toes curling up as she hardens, so someone whips out some booties and demonstrates how to pull a string in the booties which causes the toes to straighten and not curl. Beauty secrets for the dead. WTF.

Anyway, we're driving along highways (probably hwy 151 traveling eastward) in Wisconsin going towards Madison. I think Stan is in the van too, along with me, some orphaned Irish kids, and a corpse wrapped in plastic. We're also hauling a boat behind us. There is no backseat in the van, similar to the way ours is frequently when we've had large paintings to haul. I'm finding it hard not to sit on the corpse due to lack of space and the way Mitt is driving, which is rather erratic. I'm also rather puzzled what we're going to do with the corpse once we get to's not like we can have a green funeral in Madison (which is the problem I have with this whole green funeral movement really need to land (read: money) to do them, and what about the multitudes of urban poor, or just plain urban without a plot of green to their name unless they have ancestral land in the country (read: family money)'s just another politically correct trendy fad that is extremely impractical for those who are disenfranchised. Yet I digress. So I ask Mitt The Driver, "we can't bury the body normally in the ground, can we?" To which he responds that we will have to sneakily bury it vertically down a hole. Flashing back to my corpse in an underground gas tank dream from a few weeks ago. I'm bobbing around in the back of the van trying to avoid sitting on the shifting corpse, and Mitt says to watch out for the cop. There was a policeman behind us, so we all try to act like nothng was abnormal.

We're getting close to home, we're on Johnson St. and First St. where Johnson continues to the right and veers off on the left merging onto...Aberg? (I've lived here over 18 years and I'm still confused by the streets). At this fork in the road, Mitt is not paying attention, he's babbling to the passengers in the van and drives up onto the strip of median. Then the van stops. We get out. I wonder why he doesn't just drive back onto the road, but Stan tells me that the power steering must have gone out, which was why he steered into the median and couldn't steer out of it. I wonder how we'll get out of this one...what will we do with the corpse? How can we hide the corpse from the towing company? Should I walk home and get a blanket to cover it? We walk over to a nearby business which is also a car repair place (which doesn't exist in that area IRL), where Mitt is inside talking to people. Stan's hair is very long and very blond. He makes a weird gesture at a young mechanic who seemed like he was making a weird gesture at me. And then I woke up. I assume Stan and I walked home at this point, leaving the problem to Mitt Romney. After all, it was his idea. Heh.

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Friday, October 12, 2007

Hey Dubya!

Here's a t-shirt/bumper sticker line for you:

My Opponent wins the the Nobel Peace Prize and all I got was this lousy Presidency!


Friday, September 07, 2007

September Update

I simply cannot work on what I had planned on today, so here's an update on my life and thoughts as of late.

I had an eye exam last week, and to make a long story short, they suspect I *might* have glaucoma. They did a visual field test and got baseline photos of my eyes and I need to schedule another appointment in a couple months. Of course, I could just have a large optic nerve, which could resemble glaucoma. The only other indicators I have is somewhat high blood pressure, but I take medication for that. I am not dark skinned (I'm as visually white as they come), I'm not over 60, no family history, and I'm not extremely nearsighted (the eye doctor even said main problem is my astigmatism), and the numbers from the pressure check are normal. I'm not explaining any of the technical aspects of this, so if this medspeak is baffling, google it. Life sucks.

Persephone is dying. I spent $400 at the vet's the other day on exam, blood tests, and subcutaneous fluids that we have to administer (no fun) to prevent her from totally dehydrating because she is eating less and less. Stan accidentally poked a muscle this morning, and she seems even more uncomfortable now, but I don't know if it's that as much as she really just wants to go. She's refusing food, and hiding in a difficult spot under the couch/futon. She will be missed, and we will have only 1 cat, Caligula, after she passes. It's been 22 years since I only had 1 cat. Persephone did make it past 16, however. Plato is now 11 and Caligula is 9. They are all Virgos, however we don't know Caligula's exact birthdate as he was a rescued stray.

I was very undecided as to whether we'd make it to Colorado this year or not. Even last night, as Persephone did seem to be responding a little better to food and the rehydration, I thought maybe she'd stabilize a bit, but it would involve having to stay home to take care of her and certainly not leaving her to be fed by our neighbors. But as I watch her now, I don't think she'll last the day.

I've been riding my bike as much as the weather and time permit, and that I do enjoy. I like finding new places to explore, but we usually have to drive to an interesting bike path and take our bikes with us. It's hard getting up to speed as I haven't ridden for nearly 20 years. They say exercise will make you feel better and less depressed. Well, physically, yes I do feel better. I feel like I have more energy, but almost too much. I'm having problems sleeping, and this happened before my diagnosis and before Persephone taking a sharp downturn. If I exercise one day, I won't be able to sleep that night. I'll be able to sleep the following night if I don't exercise. I also feel more depressed, especially on the days I exercise. I guess that's to be expected, as I seem to be a reverse reactor. If a drug or procedure or whatever is supposed to make you feel one way, it does the opposite to me...allergy medication gives me hives, marijuana makes me anything but mellow.

I'm looking forward to LOST Season 3 coming out on DVD on 9/11. It's the only thing I am looking forward to lately, and I'm not looking forward to it nearly as much as I was a few months ago before all this shit happened.

Most women when they are depressed go shopping for clothes. I buy Yankee Candles.

I watched a 20-year old Charles Manson interview on MSNBC, and now I'm convinced he is the chimp that George W. Bush was separated from at birth. The similarity in their speach patterns: cadence, phrasing, accent, is simply amazing. Close your eyes and listen to either of them and it's hard to tell them apart. I don't know what it is, it's not simply a Texan accent otherwise all Texans would sound that way and they don't. Manson didn't live in Texas that long, in fact, I can't find much about how long he was in Texas other than he was arrested there in 1960. There's something else, perhaps a messianic complex, a savior of the world, holy crusade and apocalyptic vision they both share, plus those beady little simian eyes. I just can't get over the similarities. Dan Abrams (MSNBC 8pm CDT) is showing snippets of the interview, and MSNBC may show the full hour-long interview again at some point. Watch it if you can, it's simply amazing to think about Bush while watching and listening to Manson babble. The main difference other than Manson is over a decade older and more than half a foot shorter, is he is responsible for fewer deaths. The irony of that.

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Monday, August 13, 2007

Presidential Lobotomy

My appropriation of the Ramones' "Teenage Lobotomy"

Lobotomy, lobotomy, lobotomy, lobotomy!
Karl Rove left his job on me
Now all I've got is Cheney
Guess I'll have to face the news
That there's still the war to lose
But the Right's still in love with me
I'm a presidential lobotomy!

The Democrats are after me
But Gonzales still keeps me happy
Now I guess I'll have to tell 'em
I've got a bill of goods to sell 'em
Who needs diplomacy
I'm a presidential lobotomy!

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Lobotomy! Lobotomy!/Sex Dream with Rove in the Background

What a unique time in history! Starting in September, we will have the first lobotomized president in office! Karl Rove, aka Bush's Brain, is leaving at the end of this month.

I heard this on the news this morning, but I was extremely tired and didn't process it other than to incorporate it into my dreams. I dreamt I was watching Karl Rove, but I didn't know whether it was in person or on TV. He looked different than he did IRL...he was taller, skinnier, extremely disheveled ...he had scraggly wavy long hair tied in a pony tail, sometimes it was dark, other times it was grey, with facial hair. He was wearing a leather vest and jeans. He looked like a stuck-in-the-70s drug addict one would find around the downtown saloons in Fort Collins in the 1980s. He kept moving around, twitching, jerking, like drug addicts often do, not stiff like he was IRL like during his Horrible Hip Hop "MC Rove" performance at a press dinner several months ago.

While I was "watching" this Karl Rove thing, I was also being pawed by some guy while I was in a store looking at beads and jewelry. It was turning me on. I thought maybe I could use him, but then figured it wouldn't be fair to Stan.

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Friday, July 13, 2007

Things that are pissing me off right now

The loud moving van next door

Having to put my Pug away in his kennel because he can't stop barking at the loud moving van and the influx of new people and movers next door

The new politically correct "bottled water is bad" people who don't understand those of us who live in a third world part of town that had a contaminated well with all kinds of bacterial shit, carbon tet, manganese and probably ray-o-vac battery acid, among other things. Yes, life would be great if we all start drinking water right out of our taps. Maybe for those with new wells in suburbia, not those of us in the city with century old wells. Drink my tap water, you nazis, before you start accusing me of being bad on the environment for drinking it in bottles. We recycle our bottles.

People who badmouth all Americans in a blanket statement, as if collectively, *all* Americans are responsible for every evil in this world, not realizing how little power the poor and disenfranchised Americans do have.

People who refer to the disenfranchised as if it is their own personal fault, i.e., "He just behaves that way because he's disenfranchised." Wrong, no, he behaves that way because he's an asshole, not because he's disenfranchised, if anything, he's a spoiled rotten upper middle class suburbanite, not someone who's disenfranchised.

The whole princess syndrome. Some females seem to think they're entitled to princess treatment. Grow up and get out of your fairytale books. There is no Prince Charming. Face it, all men are smelly and fart and if they don't, they're either fastidiously gay or they're a psycho and are disguising it from you and will murder you at some point (that's not to say that smelly farty men don't murder women either). Stop talking about how you want macho men and disparage the not-so-macho men while you have two black eyes and bruises on your legs.

The smell of this idling diesel moving van next door.

People who would say "why don't you close your windows if the smell is bothering you?"

People who don't realize not everyone has central air or likes to have windows closed shut.

Large box stores that are three stories high but only utilize one story.

People who are on the latest politically correct green kick of the moment, and are the same people who probably made fun of me in grade school because I would have to take my brown paper lunch bag home with me and not toss it out.

I could go on, and probably will at some point, but I have a lot to do now.

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Thursday, July 12, 2007

I have a gut feeling too...

Here I haven't written anything for three weeks, and all I have to say now is that I did a Google search just to prove my gut feeling, and yes, other people do think Michael Chertoff looks like Boris Karloff.


Thursday, June 14, 2007

Addendum to Below

You know what's even worse than listening to someone with poor diction who is working a low-paying customer service phone job? It's listening to HIGHLY EDUCATED PROFESSOR TYPES on NPR who sound like GOATBOY!

"Ehm....errrr...aaaah.....state of the economy....aaaaah....sleeper cells...ehmmm....errrr.....uuuhhhh....right wing terrorist organizations....errr....depleted ozone levels.... ehmmm .... grain based fuel.....aaaaahhhh errrmmr...."

Literally, I have to turn off the radio or leave the room.

Oh, and there was another one. No poor diction with this one, in fact, her diction was PERFECT. It was her DELIVERY. It was on a subject I was interested in too, pity, but I couldn't listen. It was if she was reading a children's book aloud to a bunch of 4-year olds, overly emphasized words, slow, cautious delivery, overly acted, semi-melodic sing-song, I could just see her eyes getting big and using overly dramatic hand gestures. I had to shut the radio off. I couldn't take it.

Feeling very curmudgeonly today...


Like Helium

I just got off the phone canceling an appointment with Charter to fix a problem that seems to have fixed itself.

I am just so sick of speaking to customer service people with THICK, incomprehensible accents!

Let me make a few things clear. This is not a rant about hiring people in the US from other countries, far from it. This is partly a rant about big companies outsourcing offshore. Obviously the problems with that are too numerous and go well beyond the person at the other end of the phone who you cannot understand and who is on the other side of the world. But there are also *native born* Americans who are incomprehensible as well. They come from all parts of the country (except maybe the Pacific Northwest...I've not been able to detect much accent there) and have all kinds of accents that are oft times undecipherable by people not familiar with those regions. But there is one accent that is less regional and more generational--I call it the Helium accent.

Although my problem with Charter today and yesterday involved talking to people who were probably in Albania or someplace, I also have numerous problems with the young people speaking Helium. Helium, I believe, originally started out as the Valley Girl accent, originating in the 70s and 80s in California. It immediately spread across the country, and became the accent for the under 20 crowd, then even the under 30 crowd, and is slowly creeping up to the under 40 crowd, and eventually, horrors, I fear even my generation and older will succumb. I hope not, I hope it stays a young person thing. In fact, I hope no one who is of job age will use it in the future.

Even though it is hard to do an accent in a print-only medium, maybe I can explain a few things about Helium. As with the Valley Girl accent, it too has the frequent interjections of "like," "omygod" "like," and, did I mention "like"? Spoken very quickly and in a high register, it sounds as if (notice I avoided saying "like") the speaker just huffed a snootfull of helium, hence the name. Think Munchkin land, only faster and more slurred.

"We represent the Helium kids, ohmygod, like the Helium kids, the, Helium like kids.
"We like represent the Helium kids, and ohmygod we like welcome you to Helium land!

Look, if someone is washing dishes or cooking or working in a labratory or carpentry or performing a job service that does not rely on their voice being the main medium dealing with the public, then I have no problem with wherever the worker comes from. But when essentially the only thing they do is speak to the public such as a customer service rep over the phone (especially a phone-only job where there is no visual cues such as lip-reading), I want to deal with someone who I can understand clearly, who I don't have to continually ask to repeat what they just said. And it doesn't matter whether that accent is Indian, Albanian, Mexican...or Helium.


Tuesday, May 22, 2007

The MiniVan and Misplaced Hostility

As I was trying to wake up this morning (and failing miserably as I fell back to sleep), the radio had on a program about the current gas prices. Somewhere into the show, I heard something mentioned about the decline of the minivan, and how American car companies are not developing them as hybrid vehicles, or somesuch. Not that we personally could afford a new hybrid vehicle, not that we could even afford a used one in a few years. But why not make hybrid minivans?

More importantly, why are they so detested? Is it the soccer mom image? Yes, the van-o-sprogs with the mom catering to Princess and Junior's every whim and overscheduled and micromanaged extracurricular activity is one of the more hideous abominations of parenthood in this postmodern era. Walking or biking to the local park, pond or open field is an absurdist notion from a bygone era (yeah, mine!), and parents who would allow Precious to play by themselves or with friends in an unorganized fashion without the aid of an automobile to take them to the proper sports activity spot are just, well, bad parents (not according to me, but I don't count since I'm not a parent). But isn't this an attitudinal problem based on a larger societal problem? Why blame the vehicle? It's like shooting the messenger.

I am the furthest thing from a soccer mom...don't have kids, don't want 'em. My husband and I drive a minivan. I am a visual artist, and with seats removed, it allows me to haul lots of large paintings for shows. We garden a lot and are always loading lots of plants, big bags of peat moss and tons of rocks. It also has enough room for two dog kennels, which we take with us on a yearly vacation to see friends and family (that we might not take this year due to those gas prices, but that's for another entry). When we travel, we also bring back loads of cactii for Stan's side-business. This cannot be done with a sedan...there would be no room.

Our van gets high 20s (MPG) on the highway, which is infinitely better than the oh-so-loved SUVs. We only drive it during the weekday if we need to run errands, which usually includes a trip to the post office several times a week as part of my and Stan's business. Hey, I'd walk to a local post office if there was one in my neighborhood, but there isn't, however that's another topic entirely (contract stations with illegible receipts and crack addict employees don't count). Stan takes a bus to his current job. Since I'm self-employed, I do not commute anywhere. As far as our current employment commuting conditions, we're probably some of the greenest DINKs in Madison. But it's not a contest. I'm not competing with anyone. I do what works for me. If that means not driving to a job, or using a vehicle to go to the post office as part of my self employment, that's what I do.

And the comfort! Now this is just a personal thing and your mileage may vary, but the comfort of a minivan (compared to any kind of car including a station wagon) is incomparable. I can breathe in a minivan, but the times we've been forced into various kinds of loaner cars when our van has been in the shop has been an exercise in claustrophobia. I feel my knees are up by my chin, I can't move my legs and feet, and I feel the dashboard wants to headbang me. I'm a relatively small person...I can't imagine what it would be like for a linebacker.

A while ago I saw some young hip urban types driving a small import car with a bumpersticker that said "Minivans Suck." I wanted to yell out, "You suck, idiot," but I silenced my inner angry punk. What totally misguided hostility toward a vehicle that has such an unwarranted bad rap. If they really want to chastise an auto, shouldn't it be the SUV? I'd like to see one of those get mileage in the high 20s (I think we even got 30 MPG once, when the wind was on our side). I'd also like to see an SUV actually HAULING stuff or passengers. Usually there's just one driver--usually a very INCONSIDERATE driver. I've often found Minivan drivers, be they what I would guess would be a soccer mom, or not, to be more considerate on the whole than SUV drivers on the whole. Plus, it's common knowledge that an SUV is a male growth enhancement substitute. I've never heard of someone getting a minivan as a breast enlargement substitute. I think people get them because they're, um...practical. Oooh, did I say a dirty word? Practical? How uncool. No, no one wants to be practical. You either have to get an enormous gas guzzling SUV that proves your manhood or a PC soy-sipping sub-sub-sub compact econo vehicle that proves your greenhood. Not that the latter wouldn't be desirable for some of our uses, however, not everyone can afford a 2nd car or the insurance. And that's one thing that bothers me about the Left is that they think everyone is in the financial situation to get a vegetable-burner or a hybrid or some other non-fossil fuel consumer, and those who don't switch are poor Earthizens. Yet I digress.

Here's an article I found by a musician who used (and loved) his minivan that would haul his band's gear. I'm glad I'm not the only unsoccer mom that lauds the praises of the Minivan. I just wish Detroit would understand.

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Sunday, May 20, 2007

DREAM with Victorian Highrise

I was with Stan, who was driving, and possibly someone else. Stan was trying to park our van in front of a tall house across the street that doesn't exist IRL. In fact, there were several tall houses that appeared to be over three stories tall. They were an old Victorian style, similar to some that I've seen in Chicago, with high ceilings and long, thin windows. Stan was edging the van very close to the house until he actually hit the house. He looked worried that he caused damage to it, but I don't think the impact was that hard. We went inside, and sat down in a "lobby" area. I noticed that the house had elevators, and that it went up either the 19th or 26th floor. That's not a house, that's a high-rise condominium.


What sucks about this is that I fear this is a promonition of horrors to come, not next year, not even a few years from now, but maybe a decade? Two decades? Our street is split down the middle politically, between "blighted" and "unblighted." We live on the "safe" side, the "unblighted" side. Across the street is defined as blighted. I say the city of Madison has a very odd definition of blight. They wouldn't know urban blight if it bit them on their well-developped suburban ass. And that's really what it's all about. They see a certain area of town, which happens to include the area across our street, as ripe for big development, big condos, tall yuppie, pricey buildings that take over modest, yet nice areas. There is nothing wrong with the homes across the street--with the exception of the house immediately across from ours, I'm sure they're in better shape and more updated than our house. It's just that it would be easy pickings, politically, to signify it as blighted, signify it as a TIF district (which I honestly don't understand the complexities of). I swear that the only reason our side of the street isn't included is because we are on a hill and it would be very difficult to excavate and construct large condo buildings here.

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Wednesday, April 25, 2007

Canadian Denied Entry to the absurd reason why

I first heard of this incident on "As it Happens" on the radio this morning, so I fished it out on the web.

Simply unbelievable.

LSD is not a narcotic.

The man took these drugs 30 plus years ago (which would exempt George Bush from entering the US, no?)

While the border guards are wasting their time on this professor, who knows what really could be passing under their noses? Maybe nothing, but how would they know taking up their time with him?

I want to go to Canada again some day, but who knows if I'll be able to return if the US border guards google my name and happen to find something they don't like.

It just makes me want to scream.

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Thursday, March 08, 2007

More Closeted Hypocrisy from the Gay-Hating Right Wingers!

I love it!

Read this article at The Huffington Post that includes links to some sites with interesting pictures of Ann Coulter rubbing shoulders with gay porn star/marine/right wing mouthpiece Matt Sanchez.

More proof that Coulter is a gay man himself.


Tuesday, March 06, 2007

Straight from the Horse's Mouth

I felt grimey going to this FOX site (ew ick, neocon cooties), but I found this interview with Ann Coulter where he admits that he was being junior high insomuch as it was a "schoolyard taunt". No, that was not a typo. I used the pronoun "he" when referring to Ann Coulter.

Says horseface: "It is a schoolyard taunt, and unless you're going to announce here on national TV that John Edwards, married father of many children, is gay, it clearly had nothing to do with that. It's a schoolyard taunt.",2933,256949,00.html

So he admits he's being childish! He admits to using schoolyard taunts. Well, I guess that's par for what one commentator called "the Britney Spears of Politics". Hmmm...I wonder if and when Ann Coulter cracks he'll shave his mane.


Ann Coulter wouldn't know a Gay Man if he insulted her pointy shoes

Her latest publicity stunt, inferring that Democratic Presidential Candidate John Edwards is gay, just proves that she has absolutely no clue about gay men. She called Bill Clinton Gay. She called Al Gore Gay. She even called Tucker Carlson, token right-wing libertarian news host at MSNBC Gay. Of course she wasn't so polite to use the term "gay," at least in Edwards' case. She used the "f" word.

OK, first of all, it's obvious to me, and I must admit I have really good gaydar for someone who isn't gay, that these men are not gay.

Second, even if they were, so what? Is that an insult? Well, maybe calling someone something that they're not is an insult (take it from me, I hate that...I even hate it when people imply things about me that should be complimentary even though it's not true about me), but is that the best she can do? Evidently, she has nothing else to use against these guys, so she resorts to junior high school namecalling.

Third, and this is just my theory about this pathetic woman--she may seem really quick on the draw in debates and in interviews, but that doesn't always equate to smarts. People like that come off as being smart because they're quick, but she is really quite stupid about people. No wonder why she is single (a bit incongruous for someone who is such a proponent of rightwing family values)... someone plugged in her gaydar backwards and her brain short circuited! She probably thinks any truly gay men that she comes across is straight because if they happen to compliment her, it's due to being confused themselves because they think she is a man in drag! To quote the vacationing Keith Olbermann last night who phoned in to Countdown to award her the title "Worst Person in the World": "I mean Annie, just because you're more mannish looking? Hell, you're more mannish looking than every man on the planet."

Maybe she's just jealous of them. Or perhaps she's trying to divert attention away from her own gender confusion. Hmmm...something to think about. But it's ok, Annie, we liberals won't hold your gender identification against you. It's ok to come out're almost there. All you have to do is get rid of the little black dress and pointy shoes and start wearing pants, maybe cut the hair to make the transfornation complete (at least in the eyes of your neocon right wing family values supporters). I bet she doesn't even need an operation.


Tuesday, February 20, 2007

Meet the Press for Idiots


Sunday, February 04, 2007

Yes, Mr. Retarded in Chief,

You ARE a Uniter, not a Divider. Why, who would think that during a phone call with my mom, the least contentious topic of conversation we have is about YOU, since we are united in our agreement that you are a fool, a dunce, and your fascist administration is a runaway train. YOU are the only thing we discussed where we were on the same page and in complete agreement. See, we seem to argue about most other things, but not YOU, Dubya. Despite our different outlooks and viewpoints, we can both agree: You should be impeached, you chimp.


Thursday, January 11, 2007

The Madness of Little Ceasar

I suspect my hate for him is stronger than any hate I've had toward anyone who's done me wrong personally. More than Sasquatch, more than Bitch. It's not a personal, emotional hate. It's an intellectual hate. It's a hate I feel that connects with the hate of the majority of the world.

There's got to be a way of removing someone from power when all the other means have failed. This Ceasar isn't functioing with a full deck. Not only is he a pathological liar (Hmmm....isn't that what they called his predecessor when he fibbed about a freakin' blow job...!a blow job! and it was such a big thing worthy of impeachment (or so thought the repugnicans back in the 90s.) but he's lost any compassion for the American citizens he will be putting in harms way again. He is a bloody sociopath. We need to get our priorities straight. Something needs to be done. This has gone too far.

It bothered me that Pelosi said there would be no impeachment on her watch. Why the hell not? This administration is a trainwreck, and it needs to be stopped before the whole country derails.


Monday, November 27, 2006

My Thoughts for the Season

First they cut you. They slice your body and sever you from your roots back home. Your forefathers may have made beautiful furniture or houses. Your cousins make art or books, or are involved in communication. Some of your relatives even make money. Not such a noble fate awaits you. They pack you together and spray paint you because your natural color isn't good enough, and then they put a price on your head--the pretty ones will always get more--selling you at the side of the road. You are thirsty, you need water. You are dying, but first you must suffer final humiliation. You are taken to a hot, dry place where they dress you with plastic and thin metals and gaudy colors, like a cheap hooker. They give you water, but it won't save you. You stay there, propped up, a symbol for some Frankenholiday, part Pagan, part Christian, all Capitalist. But Pagans would not have killed you, they would have let you live and grow. As your final life blood dries hard in your body, you are tossed out to the side of the road where your corpse lays for days, disintegrating, then finally swept up, and shredded into dust. You lived 10 years for this, so that some family in America can think they're "normal?"


Wednesday, November 22, 2006

Political Correctness Gone TOO FAR

OK, so I am hearing now that Michael Richards might be SUED for what he said the other night during his not funny racist rant. I am in no way defending what he was disturbing and shocking and horrible. But SUED? Ok, not SUED, exactly, but they are consulting lawyers to see if Richards should appear in front of a retired judge to determine how much he should pay in restitution. Or something like that. I just heard it on the news and it didn't make a lot of sense. Supposedly the guys who he cussed out are claiming damages for pain and suffering. 'the hell? If I had a dime for every time someone said something bad to me or wrote something bad to me or about me or insulted me that caused me to have literal pain and suffering due to stress, I'd be so well off, I wouldn't need to find a very rich has-been comedian with deep pockets to sue. I'd just like to know how these guys can sue, or, whatever it is they're doing, over this. Yes, what he said to them was awful, but, come on, the crowd was behind them, they were the heroes and Richards was the villain. If it were me, I'd be feeling pretty good knowing that everyone was on my side and against the asshole cussing me out.


Friday, November 17, 2006

Born with a silver banana in his mouth

I am really sick of rich kids getting bailed out by their rich daddies. Typical irresponsible frat boys that take risks because they *know* if they screw up, daddy's always there to bail them out. Those of us who don't have daddies that could or would bail us out wouldn't have taken those risks in the first place.

See, I think that's the other part of the equation. It's not *just* the lack of studying in school and getting a good education so you know your world history and know better than to "get -us- stuck in Iraq" although that is part of it. It's this sense of invincibility that people like these rich boys feel, where if they wreck the car, daddy will buy them a new one. And daddy's always the big enabler because he doesn't want to see his son as a fuckup, which will in turn reflect badly on daddy.


Friday, August 25, 2006

Angry Dwarf Planet Tossing

Dwarf Planet. That is so politically incorrect. I think the proper term is "Little Planet" or "Volumetrically Challenged Planet." Or maybe "Planet of Small Size."

There are all these news reports about how all the schoolkids (not to mention us adults!) will now have to relearn the now eight planets and the mnemonic device: My very educated mother just served us nine pizzas. I don't know about you, but 1) I never had to learn the planets in school (I'll get to that later) and 2) Mercury, Venus, Earth, Mars, Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus, Neptune and (the now dethroned) Pluto is a helluva lot easier to learn than some ridiculous so-called mnemonic device about some not-so-educated mother serving mass quantities of junk food. A very educated mother would hopefully have a little better nutrition sense.

Maybe it was because I'd been through three different school systems in three different states as a schoolkid, but my educational experience never included fun science like learning the planets. I remember learning how to grow beans in 4th grade in New York. We tried adding funky stuff to the soil to see if that made the beans sprout better. I remember I was in the group that added vinegar to the soil. I'll never forget the smell of vinegar-infused potting soil....ick. I remember science as one of the very dry subjects that I'd rather not endure and never take as an elective. Such a bad, or boring at best, experience with science through my younger grades made me decide to steer clear from it in high school and then later in college, even though it might have been good to study minerology or horticulture instead of art. Maybe not...maybe I'd still be making jewelry with a minerology degree and growing cactii with a horticulture degree and wishing I'd gone into art, which I really loved. Yet I digress. No, I learned the planets myself. We had some astronomy books (Time/Life or some cheap things geared toward kids) and I'd look through those whenever I was home from school sick. I probably learned more that way than if it had been taught by boring teachers in my boring classes.


Thursday, August 24, 2006

Pluto: Back to the Underworld you go!

I found out today that Pluto is no longer a planet according to the International Astronomical Union. The formerly 9th planet in our solar system has been stripped of its planet status. That's sort of like saying 9th president of the United States, William Henry Harrison, has been stripped of his presidential status. Sure, he was only a president for a few weeks, but he was still a president, even though he probably didn't do a lot in office since he caught a cold during inauguration and died exactly a month later. Sort of a small and insignificant term as president, sort of like Pluto's term as a planet. But we wouldn't dare rewrite history books to eliminate a president. But it looks like we'll be rewriting science books. I say we grandfather Pluto in. I mean, Pluto has been a planet for 76 years, that's like 912 times longer than William Henry Harrison was president. Or maybe Pluto could have served its term. That way, even though Pluto is no longer serving a term as Planet, that's not denying it ever was a planet, after all it was a planet from 1930-2006. It will be introduced as "former Planet of the Solar System, Pluto." And after a while, just like previous presidents after more than a few decades have passed, it will be known as Planet Pluto, just like President John F. Kennedy, or President Franklin Roosevelt. Or President William Henry Harrison. We don't say "Former President of the United States William Henry Harrison." Of course he's a former president, it's been 165 years. Goes without saying. So it goes without saying, Pluto is a Planet.


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