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June 2011
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Diet Aid

Here’s an amazing breakthrough for dieters! Guaranteed to curb morning hunger! It’s not easy or pleasant, but it it is guaranteed to take the edge off a hungry tummy. It works best for homeowners since you have control over your yard and your non-human family:

Plant lots of vegetation in your yard for small furry wild animals to take cover and reproduce. Get a dog, especially a dog that likes to sniff the ground to find stuff. Terriers work great, even Boston Terriers! Pugs don’t work that well (but I take the Pug out after the Boston). Try to live in a neighborhood where people have cats they let outdoors. I don’t recommend letting YOUR cat outdoors…let the neighbors who don’t care do that job for you.

Try to cultivate a climate in your yard that is conducive for a family of rabbits. Now wait. Some June morning, you will be taking your dog out for his morning ritual and his nose will spot a disgusting bit of something on the ground, which will turn out to be a dead baby bunny. Do not let your dog eat this vile carcass…rabbits contain parasites. Pry the vileness away from the dog, and put your dog back in the house while you pick up pieces of the mess and bury it in the yard. Put a large stone on the burial spot so the dog won’t dig it up.

Even if it is a fresh kill and the stench of death hasn’t taken over the carrion, the visuals of it are disturbing enough to hold off on breakfast for quite a while!

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