I got a call from Amber. If you remember my last post, she’s my step-niece, Marla’s step daughter, Mr. Redneck’s youngest blood daughter.

That’s right, Amber is the one who lives in a trailer court. She wasn’t at the Labor Day Get Together Slash Monster Truck Rally Redneck Reunion that I had the misfortune of attending last week. But she heard about my xeriscaping offer I made to her older sister, Ashley. And even if Amber was there, I wouldn’t have offered my xeriscaping expertise to her, since she lives in a trailer court.

But she called me up, asking about the “Zero-scaping.” I guess that’s landscaping for losers, so according to Marla, I’d be an expert at that.

I told her that I didn’t think we’d be able to do it for her lot because it’s rented, as opposed to Ashley and Dylan who own their own homes. (I guess you call those things homes? Is that mean of me?) She gave me some story about how it’s ok with the court management, blah blah blah.

OK, I’m not really sure what’s going on but it sure seems suspicious. Either she wants me to do the whole damn trailer court pro bono for some price break on lot rent for her, or something more nefarious and sinister, which I don’t want to think about. But this woman is trouble. She has two kids by two different men she never married, she’s been into drugs like her half-brother “Kyle”, and if she had any brains at all, she’d be a grifter.

This can’t be my life. I don’t know these people. I am not related to these people.

She’s playing up the sweet innocent nice “Uncle Leon, please, I would love for you to make me a nice yard, it’s ok with the management, really it is.”

Help me. This isn’t good.

About Leon

This is where I talk about myself. Right. Where do I start? I come from a family of godless socialists. I rebelled, but not because of that. I wanted to be a snake when I was young. I wish I had become an architect. I went to school in Landscape Architecture. It didn't work out. I became directionless, badly guided with career choices, and am currently working at the family farm growing large edible sweet things on the loneliest highway in the USA.

1 thought on “Zero-scaping

  1. I would let some time pass and find ways to delay the process. Perhaps, more information will surface over time, or Amber will have some outburst from impatience which will expose her true motives.


    She really wants you to do this and it is actually a good thing to do.

    Time will tell hopefully… 😕

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