Monthly Archives: March 2012

Art Anxiety DREAMS

The other night I had a dream that I had an art show scheduled. I might have still been in school, either CSU or UW. Either the time had passed to install the art show, or it was the day I should be installing it. Someone called to notify me about it, and I realized I was completely unprepared for it, and didn’t have any new works or anything framed. It’s like an “I didn’t study for that test and haven’t been in class for two weeks” type dream, except with exhibiting. I can’t remember ever forgetting about an art show; usually those things have always been on my front burner calendar.

Last night I dreamt I was back in grad school in the awful studio I had for my first three years there. There was some young male student who was very friendly, but he used that friendliness to take advantage of the other students, including me. He completely took over our spaces and cleared them out and started moving the dividers around so he could have more room for himself. I was really mad at him and demanded he show me where he put all my stuff and give me back my space. I was yelling at him out in the hallway. Stan was with me. We went into a stairwell that didn’t look at all like the stairwells in the InHumanities building IRL. They were more like stairwells in an older building with wooden railing painted white. Somehow he had gotten on the other side of the stairwell balcony that overlooked many floors below. He was just hanging on to the wooden handrail and balusters and we were arguing. Then I somehow undid his grip and he fell. He fell about six stories. I heard him yelling as he fell to either his death or broken neck. Stan and I looked at eachother in a “what do we do now?” way. It was actually rather comedic, except I was hoping he had died so that he wouldn’t live to tell that I had “pushed him.” Do I tell authorities, or hope he doesn’t live to accuse me?

The Procedure

Yesterday, I had the “procedure.” You know, the one you get when you turn 50. I’ll go light on any icky details.

One of the bad things about it is I couldn’t eat anything that I normally eat…fruit, raw veggies, nuts. This diet would be really difficult for a hardcore vegan. The diet was really hard to deal with even for me and I’m an omnivore. I didn’t eat anything after 10 am on Sunday, the day before. And Sunday night I was watching some show about the south and they were talking about fried chicken and southern cooking. I don’t usually, or ever, eat fried chicken, but I was getting soooo hungry during that show because I hadn’t eaten.

I was really fearing something horrible as far as pain during the “prep” (when you drink about a gallon of awful tasting solution). They warn you about gas and cramping and nausea. I was expecting all those things because I’m a pretty sensitive person. I had none of them. I was really fearing the solution itself would taste horrible. It wasn’t. Yes, toward the end the next morning when I had to get up at 2 am Monday Morning to finish drinking the next liter of it, it was difficult, mostly because it was Two freaking AM! Also, I’m not positive, but I’m thinking that maybe I used too much Crystal Light. You can add the Lemon Crytal Light to it to take away from the salty taste, but I’m thinking that maybe the stuff I used already came with a crystal-light-type flavor packet (even though it was disguised as just some generic stuff you had to add, no Crystal Light branding), and so I had Crystal Light Double Stuff which made it taste really flavored and maybe it was the overflavoring that was annoying to me rather than the stuff itself. That said, it was not that bad. Sort of like a weirdly flavored de-alcoholed Margarita with the salt blended into the drink rather than on the rim. Anyway, that’s what I told myself so I’d drink it.

When Stan did it he had the stuff where you had to drink a gallon of it. I had to pay extra for mine, but it was probably worth it as I only had to drink 2 liters.

IN THE FUTURE: Get the smaller volume one as before, but test it before you add the Crystal Light, as it may already be flavored. Too much flavoring makes it really annoying.

No cramping or anything from drinking it. The only thing sore was, well, in a certain spot from overuse.

IN THE FUTURE: Just stay in the room. Camp out. Take your iPad with. Don’t clean up after every time. Just stay seated. Let things happen. Because getting up every five minutes and cleaning up afterward probably contributes to the soreness, whereas if you just stay seated and then clean up after the majority of it has subsided, you’ll probably be less sore.

For me, it started within about 20 minutes after drinking the first solution. But I work quickly. It didn’t start for Stan for about an hour, I think. YMMV.

I stayed up until about 11 to make sure the coast was clear before going to bed. I probably could’ve gone to bed shortly after 10, but I wanted to make certain nothing happened. But it does continue for about 4 hours after first drinking the solution.

I got up at 2 to finish the second half of it, according to the directions. My appointment was at 8 am.

I was also fearing the procedure itself. I was afraid I’d wake up in the middle of it and be in severe pain, or that I wouldn’t be put under when they start it. Even though some things with me work quickly as described above, I don’t respond to sedation or pain killing like other people. It takes me forever to lose sensation, like with novocaine (having teeth pulled or worked on where you feel it all is one reason I am afraid of the dentist, among others) or like with the biopsy they did last year after I took the Valium but didn’t feel that nice comforting sensation until after the procedure was OVER. I told them this yesterday so they were aware. I remember them putting the knockout drugs in my IV, but then I really did go to sleep and don’t remember a thing after that until I woke up and they were still working on me! I told them OUCH! And they said something about putting air in me and it was the end and they were finishing up or something. Fortunately I woke up at the END of it rather than in the middle.

IN THE FUTURE: Tell them to use more knockout stuff! I don’t want to be awake until they wheel me back to the recovery room! They say the stuff they give you makes you forget, but I don’t think I forgot anything during the time I was awake. Stan on the other hand doesn’t remember anything from when he was awake that day! I think they gave him too much!

As soon as I started talking, I noticed my voice was very husky, like I had a cold. And the strangest thing…my left nostril and left eye started running and watering really badly. I have no idea why this happened. Stan says it was because they had me lying on my left side and maybe I was allergic to the detergent they use on the pillows. I don’t know about that. I’m not ready to dismiss that theory, but I’m thinking it might be some other phenomenon as well. I have a deviated septum, and the opening on that side of my nasal passage is more closed than on the right. They put tubes in your nostrils with oxygen. Maybe on the right side the oxygen went into my nasal passage, but maybe on the left side it stayed stuck in the nostril and for some reason that made my nose runny? I don’t know, that sounds weird, but I’m not necessarily buying the detergent theory either.

Hey! I just found this! I’m not alone in this experience. And it’s weird how all these people are having the same things happen to them, and there is no known explanation! Now I’m thinking it’s not because I have a deviated septum…this would happen regardless. It’s silly that some of the nurses are telling the patients “oh, you must have picked up a cold!” No, it’s not a cold.

Left side of my nose still feeling really plugged up today. Right side is normal.

I do remember them saying in the operating room that my blood pressure never went down all that much when I was under. I think I am hard to put under into deep sedation. I fear having an operation, not this kind of procedure, but a real operation with blood and cutting, where I wake up but am paralyzed and cannot move and cannot yell to tell them OUCH. This happens to people all the time and they are in tremendous pain. This is what I fear.

DREAM: Nursing Bill’s Cat Back to Health

This is one sick dream. I dreamt that Bill’s cat was sick and it needed to be breastfed, as that was the only way to save it. I said I’d help, but I wasn’t lactating. So I went to the doctor and got some injections to make me lactate (like that’s possible, especially for someone through menopause!). So Bill and I went out to some place in the country that seemed like a cross between the cemetary in Fort Collins and some place near Cherokee Marsh in Madison. We get out of the car with his cat and settle on a spot by some water, but on the other side of the water there were houses, so I was afraid people would see. Bill said it was ok, so I pull up my shirt, present a boob to his cat, and it takes to it right away. Then my nipples start mutating into long nipples that look like non-human mammal nipples.

This is disturbing.

It’s like Romulus and Remus in reverse with a cat.

Verify the Verify

Wisconsin’s “Verify the Recall,” a far-right wing group created for the sole purpose of trying to disprove the million signatures to recall Gov. Scott Walker and to mock the supposed fictitious signatures (Bart Simpson, Mickey Mouse et al) has instead made a mockery of themselves.

What appears to be running off Waukesha County Clerk Kathy Nicholaus’s home computer’s server, an early 90s PC no doubt, the website is slow to load and never produces any worthwhile search results. Not only that, there is no obvious “search” button, which is a bit odd for the claims of it being a “searchable database.” This is more like a “waitable database.” I did try pressing “return” at the end of a word search in the various columns, but wouldn’t you know it, a search on Stan’s last name produced no results, even though he did sign the petition. Why didn’t I search on other things like my last name or my street or my zip code? Well, I did. It’s just that it kept grinding away and never ever produces a result, not even to tell me there are no results. Did I say the server is slow?

Come to think of it, this site is run by tea partiers, and they’re not known for their accurate spelling. Perhaps I should have searched on a misspelled version of Stan’s last name, maybe that would’ve given some results.

Fortunately, the site does have a help page, but it’s a pdf file! And a graphically challenged one at that! It’s right out of the graphic design humorist’s handbook of visual comedy. Aqua-green text bubbles litter the page with instructions pointing this-a-way and that-a-way with blue arrows pointing at various parts of the database, all explained in CENTER JUSTIFIED text!

I guess the good news is that those who wish to use this database for nefarious purposes will be unsuccessful. I have been attempting a Verify search on my computer for what seems like a couple hours now while I am working, however those that must rely on the 15-minute limit computers at the detention center library won’t have that convenience.

I’m not giving a link to the site here, but if you do search on “Verify the Recall” you will find the site, first by finding the main site, which will then direct you to the iverify site, which then makes you read some stuff and then enter the site, and then you have to agree to some more stuff like how you won’t use the search for nefarious purposes which is silly because you can’t use the site for ANYTHING, and then you enter deeper into the site.

Oh, and this is pathetic…Vicki McKenna (google her too, I’m not going to explain) just asked for donations over Twitter because they need a better server. Waaaaaah!

Go ask the Koch brothers, Vicki.